IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many people find it difficult to balance their work and personal lives. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees achieve a better work-life balance?

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Recently, many
people
Use synonyms
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
show examples
 that they find it difficult to find a balance between their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and personal matters.
This
Linking Words
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
show examples
 because the cutting-edged technology removes the barrier between working and personal
time
Use synonyms
 and vice versa.
Employers
Use synonyms
 need to have
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 about working
time
Use synonyms
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 to prevent the employees
being
Change preposition
from being
show examples
exploitated
Correct your spelling
exploited
. Generally,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology has made working easier and even can be carried at home.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 has made the working
time
Use synonyms
 more flexible than it was in the past when
people
Use synonyms
should
Verb problem
had
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 come to the workplace by 9 am. To some extent, technology makes working
time
Use synonyms
 easy to detect as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 can store the
time
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 and place
people
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 for work.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice will make the
time
Use synonyms
 between working and personal lives become blurry.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 can cater
personal
Change preposition
to personal
show examples
 matters during working hours, in reverse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers
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 can
also
Linking Words
 interfere
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
 during their leisure
time
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. In the foreseeable future, if
this
Linking Words
 matter is not handled wisely by the
employers
Use synonyms
, the objective of work-life balance is not going to be achieved and in
return
Add a comma
return,
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 it might exacerbate the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
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 both parties.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an
assert
Replace the word
assertive
show examples
regulation
Use synonyms
 for working
time
Use synonyms
 is needed to make a clear line between professional and personal space.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
regulation
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 should reach
consensus
Add an article
a consensus
show examples
 from both parties rather than an imperative from
employers
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. When the consensus is agreed, incentives-disincentives should be enforced as consequences
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the agreement.
For example
Linking Words
, enforcing additional pay as an incentive for an employee who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 overtime.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is feasible to reach a balance between professional and personal lives by enforcing working
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
. A
legally-binding
Correct your spelling
legally binding
show examples
 agreement is needed for both parties to prevent any
breachment
Correct your spelling
breach
.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to address the reasons why people find it difficult to balance work and personal lives more explicitly. Mention additional factors or examples aside from technology that could contribute to this difficulty.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more relevant and specific examples for each point you make. This will help to illustrate your arguments and strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, transition smoothly between ideas within paragraphs. This will help maintain a logical flow and clarity across your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the central argument and summarizes the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
There is a well-maintained focus on the main topic: the difficulty of balancing work and life and the role of employers in achieving balance.
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