IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts illustrate the online sales for Canadian retailers in 2005 and 2010. Overall, both electronic appliances and foods were the most purchased via the internet. During the year 2005, the most sold product was the electronics and appliance with 35% whilst the second most purchased via internet was home furnishings with 22% of totals sales. Comes after food and beverage and video games with the former that took 22% of the global online market and the latter that represented the smallest proportion of 18% Nonetheless the trend has changed 5 years after in 2010. Indeed, Electronic goods still represented an important part of the total sales with 30%, but weren’t he first product to be sold. Food and beverage took the lead with a proportion of 32% from the total sales. In addition, video games came in the 3th position representing 23% of online purchases in Canada whilst home’s furniture became at the last position of sales with 15%. In general, electronics had always represented an important part of the online market in Canada.

The pie charts illustrate the online sales for Canadian retailers in 2005 and 2010. Overall, both electronic appliances and foods were the most purchased via the internet. During the year 2005, the most sold product was the electronics and appliance with 35% whilst the second most purchased via internet was home furnishings with 22% of totals sales. Comes after food and beverage and video games with the former that took 22% of the global online market and the latter that represented the smallest proportion of 18% Nonetheless the trend has changed 5 years after in 2010. Indeed, Electronic goods still represented an important part of the total sales with 30%, but weren’t he first product to be sold. Food and beverage took the lead with a proportion of 32% from the total sales. In addition, video games came in the 3th position representing 23% of online purchases in Canada whilst home’s furniture became at the last position of sales with 15%. In general, electronics had always represented an important part of the online market in Canada.
#sales #canadian #retailers #appliances #foods #internet #year #product #electronics #appliance #whilst #second #home #furnishings #food #beverage #video #games #market #latter #proportion #trend #years #goods #part #weren’t #first #lead #addition #position #purchases #canada #home’s #furniture
The pie charts illustrate the online
sales
 for Canadian retailers in 2005 and 2010.
Overall
, both electronic appliances and foods were the most purchased via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. During the year 2005, the most sold product was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronics and
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
 with 35% whilst the second most purchased via
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 was home furnishings with 22% of
totals
Change the noun form
total
show examples
sales
. Comes after food and beverage and video games with the former that took 22% of the global online market and the latter that represented the smallest proportion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18%
Nonetheless
Add a comma
Nonetheless,
show examples
 the trend has changed 5 years after in 2010. Indeed, Electronic goods still represented an important part of the total
sales
 with 30%, but weren’t
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 first product to be sold. Food and beverage took the lead with a proportion of 32%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the total
sales
.
In addition
, video games came in the
3th
Change the ending
3rd
show examples
 position representing 23% of online purchases in Canada whilst
home’s
Change noun form
home
show examples
 furniture became at the
last
 position of
sales
 with 15%. In general, electronics
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 always represented an important part of the online market in Canada.
Submitted by namoisma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: