IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

An organisation has given an advertisement for part time volunteering job for local children. Write a letter to the administrator of the organisation in your letter introduce yourself Why you think you are suitable for this. Job State when you will be able to join

#organisation #advertisement #part #time #job #children #administrator
Dear Anna, I am Kübra,
last
 month ı attended
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your city organisation. I am so glad for me because
this
 volunteering organisation for
children
 and
children
 so happy
children
. I am
firstly
 attending a volunteer organization. I hope
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will continue. In my opinion
this
 program
available
Add a missing verb
is available
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for
Change preposition
to
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 me. Maybe your thinking
work
Change the verb form
works
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while
Change preposition
for
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 me because ı want to work
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 volunteering organization. I want to part-time program because I doctor
in
Change preposition
at
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 Ipswich
hospital
Capitalize word
Hospital
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 but ı improve myself
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
 volunteering. I think I am available
this
Change preposition
for this
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 position and ıf you choose me ı
started
Wrong verb form
start
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 next
monday
Change the capitalization
Monday
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 night shift. If you need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 information you can see
cv
Correct article usage
the cv
show examples
. I will add. Take care. Warm sincerly.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts and ideas more systematically to improve the logical flow of your letter.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea.
task achievement
Consider refining your language and grammar for a clearer and more polished presentation.
content
Your letter addresses the prompt adequately, touching on all necessary points.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is friendly and appropriate for a volunteer position application.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are well-structured and polite.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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