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Band 4

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both and give your own opinion.

#people #employees #company
Some
people
 believe that older
employees
 can
giv
Correct your spelling
give
 more to the
company
 because of their experiences.
While
 on the other side,others believe that young
employees
 have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 ability to
work
 because of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 flexibility and endurance. In
this
 article,I will be discussing both views and give my opinion in the end.
People
 who believe that older
employees
 are more useful see that older workers have the ability to get out of difficult situations. And withstand
work
 pressure because of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 experience. They
also
 see that the workers who have spent more time in the
company
 know how to bring money into
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 and how to
benefite
Correct your spelling
benefit
 it. In the end,
this
 opinion may not make sense to many
people
. It's very common for a lot of
people
 as well.
On the other hand
. Some
people
 see that young
employees
 can offer more to the
company
 than older ones. Because
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 more energy,
enthausiasm
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
,and effectiveness to
work
. And they can handle the pressure of
work
 because
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 energy is usually high.
Finally
,most
people
 agree with
this
 view and disagree with the other
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.because they see it
more
Change preposition
as more
show examples
 logical. In the end,both options may be correct. But I lean more towards the first option. Because I believe that
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 period of time that the workers have spent in the
company
 gives them the necessary experience to know how to bring in the money and
work
 with it.
Submitted by moh.alholimie on

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Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your views more effectively, which can help make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing clearer transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical structure by organizing points in a clearer, more sequential manner to strengthen the overall argument.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints adequately and presents the writer's own opinion at the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Experience and knowledge
  • Company culture
  • Professional network
  • Mentoring
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Adaptable
  • Innovative solutions
  • Technological advancements
  • Competitive edge
  • Energy levels
  • Drive to succeed
  • Balanced workforce
  • Synergy
  • Dynamic team
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