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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph shows weekly
earnings
Use synonyms
 of full-time graduate employees by
degree
Use synonyms
 and
age
Use synonyms
 in 2002. Data is identified for three types of degrees: higher
degree
Use synonyms
, first
degree
Use synonyms
 and others for different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. Looking at downward trends, some
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 showed a decrease in money.
For example
Linking Words
, for
"others"
Correct article usage
the "others"
show examples
 qualification
group
Use synonyms
, weekly
earnings
Use synonyms
 peaked at around 820
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
36
Correct article usage
the 36
show examples
-40
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. But after that, it fell
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to about 720
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the first
degree
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had a small drop between
41
Correct article usage
the 41
show examples
-45 and 46-50
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. It fell from 700
pounds
Use synonyms
 to roughly 670
pounds
Use synonyms
. What about upward trends
, there
Punctuation problem
? There
show examples
 was a steady growth in young
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, from ages 21-25 to 36-40,
earnings
Use synonyms
 for all three
groups
Use synonyms
 rose
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
very fast. The most important change was
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. It kept rising in older
age
Use synonyms
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 reached
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
 at nearly 800
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
56
Correct article usage
the 56
show examples
-60
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. Taken as a whole, weekly
earnings
Use synonyms
 changed
much
Rephrase
significantly
show examples
 between different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, and higher
degree
Use synonyms
 holders
earning
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 the most
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the end.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words earnings, degree, age, groups, group, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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