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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph demonstrates the sum of money people with different types of education and
age
Use synonyms
 earn weekly in 2002. There are two clear categories of employees with
first
Correct article usage
a first
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
, higher
degree
Use synonyms
 and other qualifications based on their
age
Use synonyms
. We can observe that those aged between 21 and 30 have the lowest income. The graduates
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have from 21 years to 25 with first degrees earn from 370 to 400 per week,
while
Linking Words
 those with other types of education earn from 420 to 500 weekly, showing an increase. The smallest amount of money in every field is earned
until
Change preposition
by the age of
show examples
 30
years
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Instead
Linking Words
, starting
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of
30
Punctuation problem
30,
show examples
it is observed a beginning of growth
Correct word order
a beginning of growth is observed
show examples
. The lowest amount of money is earned by those with a
degree
Use synonyms
, starting from 550 and increasing to almost 700 by the
age
Use synonyms
 of 40. At the same time, the employees who
postgraduated
Correct your spelling
graduated
 gain from nearly 600 to 750 by the
of
Check wording
age of
show examples
 45. The highest earnings are registered for other qualifications,
arriving to
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 830 for those aged between 36 and 400.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, beginning with the
age
Use synonyms
 of
41
Punctuation problem
41,
show examples
 the salaries are slightly decreasing to 730 for the people with higher degrees and other types of education and to 680 for those with a first
degree
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is shown that starting
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 30, the income of the employees
increases generally
Correct word order
generally increases
show examples
 and decreases a little for the elderly from 40 years.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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