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Band 6.5

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mainfe atures andmake comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mainfe atures andmake comparisons where relevant.
#levels #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women #summarise #information #mainfe #atures #andmake #comparisons
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The chart above illustrates the
differant
Correct your spelling
different
 levels of post-school
qualifications
Use synonyms
 in
australia
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Australia
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 in the year 1999
along with
Linking Words
 the proportion of males and females who held these
qualifications
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.
Overall
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,
men
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 have the
most
Correct word choice
more
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 post-school
qualifications
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 than
women
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 do in the given period
exept
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except
women
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 hold a higher percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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undergraduate
diploma
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diplomas
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as well as
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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bachelor's degrees .  There
is
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are
show examples
 five
differant
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different
qualifications
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 chosen in
this
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 chart between diplomas and degrees and as the chart shows there is a
significat differance
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significant difference
 between
men
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 and
women
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 in the skilled vocational diploma with 9 out of every 10 diploma
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
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 being a man .
Furthermore
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 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some noticeable
differances
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differences
difference
 in
numbers
Correct article usage
the numbers
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 in each area
exept
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except
 for the
bachelors
Change to a genitive case
bachelor's
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 degree in
whitch
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which
 the numbers are exceptonally close with 50% being females and 45% being males.
To conclude
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, the data reveals significant gender differences in post-school
qualifications
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 in Australia in 1999.
Men
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 dominated most qualification categories, especially in skilled vocational diplomas,
while
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women
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 held higher percentages in undergraduate diplomas and bachelor’s degrees. These variations highlight distinct educational paths taken by
men
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 and
women
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 during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Submitted by omniah15 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words qualifications, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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