Many people believe that education and high qualifications will bring success. Others think that it’s not required to achieve success in life. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that
success
is determined by a
University
education, whilst others believe that
success
is a combination of multiple factors. In
this
essay, I will discuss why I do not agree with
this
notion and form a conclusion.
Firstly
, the term
success
can be defined in various terms for different people.
For instance
, in terms of education or wealth. Obtaining a
University
degree could be a form of academic validation that one has been working towards their whole life.
Furthermore
, the majority of competitive specialities require the need for tertiary education,
for example
, medicine. If one is able to become a Doctor
due to
their academia
then
they have surely achieved
success
.
Secondly
, studying from a higher facility opens pathways across the globe for that person,
for example
, they are more likely to be offered an occupation in a high-paying country like America.
This
ensures that they will earn a respectable living
as well as
occupation, which are two things that define
success
.
On the other hand
, with the development of social media and the advancement of technology, there are many who are now performing outstandingly. Social media platforms,
such
as YouTube have enabled people to build business empires and inspire millions across the globe.
Moreover
, many have the likelihood of becoming millionaires, which is an achievement within itself.
In addition
to
this
, there are many other educational avenues that can now be pursued
instead
of
University
,
for example
, Apprenticeships. By pursuing
this
avenue an individual can learn all the skills they require, for a marginal cost. There is
also
a greater possibility of an earlier career,
therefore
enabling them to earn a decent living before
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
. In conclusion, it seems advisable that
success
is gathered through new technological advances and educational routes rather than just through
University
.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the conclusion to summarise both views more fully and reiterate your position for enhanced clarity.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of maintaining paragraph coherence by ensuring each idea flows logically to the next without abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Make sure all main points are fully developed with appropriate examples to further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument covering both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context by presenting both perspectives and your own view.
task achievement
Good use of examples such as social media and apprenticeships to illustrate alternative paths to success.
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