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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph presents
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
betweent
Correct your spelling
between
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were
borned
Correct your spelling
born
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
territory
Add an article
the territory
show examples
 of
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
outside
Correct determiner usage
those outside
show examples
 of
Australia
Use synonyms
. All in all, human beings were appeared in
cities
Use synonyms
 are
Correct article usage
the dominate
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dominate
Replace the word
dominant
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reason that their bar chart was always
keeping
Verb problem
apply
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above 40%. The main feature I can emphasize is
people
Use synonyms
 were
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 in 1995 outside of the country, in case
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
indicators
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 and rural areas
were risen
Change to the active voice
rose
have risen
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 upward
40
Change preposition
of 40
show examples
%. In comparison with
Correct article usage
the borned
show examples
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 population in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in the same year, was considerably less, in
fact
Add the comma(s)
fact,
show examples
 that just
Use synonyms
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
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 index was
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 others kept similar at the point of 20-30%. Speaking about 2010 year,
situation
Add an article
the situation
a situation
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 of the
cities
Use synonyms
 remained constant as
people
Use synonyms
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 outside
Correct article usage
the cointry
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cointry
Correct your spelling
country
 were still
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top, but achieving
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
 of 80. Marks of towns and
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 gradually plunged up to 10-15% in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both parts. It was more likely
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 were been
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 area of
Australia
Use synonyms
 and out of it.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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