The hart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.

The bar graph illustrates information about the age of female in Australia when they gave life
for
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to
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their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Overall
, in 1966 the number of ladies who had the age range 19-24 was dramatically more than others. Absolutely different trend shown in 2006. In 1966 the
percentage
of
women
who
was
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were
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over 40
is
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was
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3 %. Marginally more
proportion
had
woman
Add an article
a woman
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who was between 34-39 and 30-34. Almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
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percentage
had ladies who
was
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were
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under 19 and between 25-30 as 35%.
And the
Correct word choice
The
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leader
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leaders
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of
this
year are
women
who
was
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were
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between 19
-
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apply
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24
Correct word choice
and 24
show examples
and their arrangement is slightly more than 60%. Again, the oldest
women
in 1986 had few
proportion
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proportions
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.
While
,
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apply
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the
percentage
of
women
between 30-39 and under 19
are
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is
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around 17% and exactly 20% respectively. The leader of
this
year is
women
between 25-30 with half of all
arrangement
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arrangements
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.
Finally
, in the
last
year there is no big
differences
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difference
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in the
proportion
who over 40%. The second lowest
percentage
of
women
who are under 19 is marginally more than 10%.
While
,
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apply
show examples
the
proportion
of
women
who are between 19-24 and 34-39 is around 28%. The difference
of
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in
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proportion
between
women
who are 30-34 and 25-30 is approximately 7%. More precisely, their arrangement
are
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is
show examples
45% and 38% respectively.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate and develop the main points more comprehensively to improve clarity and relevance of your task response.
task achievement
Focus on providing specific examples and a detailed explanation that support the main trends and changes depicted in the bar graph.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the logical flow of your essay to ensure each point seamlessly transitions to the next without confusing jumps in the timeline or data trends.
task achievement
Pay attention to the accuracy of the data references from the graph and ensure these numbers and relationships are clearly stated.
coherence cohesion
You successfully identified the main trends over the given time periods in your introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with separate sections for the different years, which makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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