IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic: People nowadays prefer to interact online (e.g. do shopping, chat with friends) rather than talking to other people face-to-face. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #people #e #g #chat #friends #development #minutes
At present days, people prefer
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 their tasks online and communicate with
others
 by
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
 rather than meeting each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 in person. Most people find
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 more useful in life,
while
others
 see it resulting
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 problems. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of
this
 subject. The main advantage is
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has made every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 work in easier, faster and safer ways, you can buy all things from
everywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any time just by using your phone,
moreover
, you can call or text your family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 all the time, you can call them
face
Add the particle
to face
show examples
 to face as you are together in the same place you can share photos together.
For example
, Snapchat offer a service
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
called
story
Capitalize word
Story
show examples
 where you can share your daily life like driving and drinking
cup
Correct article usage
a cup
show examples
 of coffee and it remains only for 24 hours,
also
 you can choose who can watch the story. When we talk about the disadvantages most people
agrees
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
destoyed
Correct your spelling
destroys
 
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical and mental health
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
, when they get used to using
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can not
enjoying
Change the verb form
enjoy
be enjoying
show examples
 any other activities,
this
 makes them always stay alone in their rooms and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have any social skills to interact with
others
,
this
 action causes depression and stress.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 children need to move because movement helps their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 grow, staying a lot causes various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
body problems.
For instance
,
overwight
Correct your spelling
overweight
 problems always come to children who have technology addiction. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing rapidly,
while
 it helps
in every things
Correct your spelling
with everything
show examples
, on another hand, it
causes
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 distances between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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task response
Try to clearly state your opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development, and reason it out. This will enhance the focus and fulfillment of the task.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving paragraph transitions and ensuring clear connections between ideas for better flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a brief overview of the topic and suggests a discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the use of Snapchat to illustrate online interaction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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