Some people say that music has no practical value and should not be taught to school children. Instead, they should spend school time on useful subjects such as computing or science. Do you agree or disagree?
Musical
subject
should not be Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
though
in Correct your spelling
taught
school
instead
of academic subjects namely computer
or science. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
computers
this
statement, and the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view.
One of the most important reasons why music
should be though in class is that it can reduce stress for children from studying in academic subjects because they can relax and enjoy with
their classmates. Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
For example
, according to
the latest research conducted by Bangkok University, Thailand, it was revealed that 80% of students in high school
in Bangkok have good grade scores because they are likely happy and joyful with music
. This
example shows that music
plays a major role in school
life.
Another reason to support this
is the fact that music
can emphasize children’s abilities. This
is due to
the fact that they will be proud and show others about
their talent with Change preposition
apply
music
. To illustrate this
, in the recent news, it has been reported that many students participating in high school
music’s
Change noun form
music
competition
called TO BE NO.1 scheme in Thailand are promoted by Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
organization
, and they will have a chance to become Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
an
Correct article usage
apply
artist
in future and work for Fix the agreement mistake
artists
organization
a year. Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
This
case makes crucial
of Correct article usage
the crucial
music
clear.
In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that music
is valuable in school
because it can make
less stress in children and show children’s abilities with Verb problem
cause
music
.Submitted by chachiiaom on
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task achievement
Ensure a clearer distinction between academic subjects and creative subjects like music in the introduction to strengthen the argument's foundation.
task achievement
Consider adding an additional paragraph to explore counterarguments briefly, to enhance the depth of your response.
task achievement
Avoid minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'though' instead of 'taught', to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas in a paragraph support your main point before moving on to a new idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the study conducted by Bangkok University and the TO BE NO.1 scheme, effectively support the main points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the benefits of music education, such as stress reduction and enhancing children's abilities.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite