IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends.Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that having social
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
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 with co-workers during evenings and
weekends
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
good
Add an article
a good
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 thing,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
group
Change the wording
groups
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 of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 thinkers concur that we should keep both work and social
life
Use synonyms
 totally apart from each other. In
this
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 essay, I shall discuss both these views in the following paragraphs and
further
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 give my opinion.
To begin
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 with the explanation, there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of reasons why
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 should keep their working and social
life
Use synonyms
 together. First and foremost
which
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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, stronger bond among them.
This
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 is because of frequent meetings on
weekends
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can know each other thoroughly. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, when
people
Use synonyms
meets
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meet
show examples
 their colleagues in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 they can not share their personal
life
Use synonyms
 in
details
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detail
show examples
 as compared to when they meet during
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
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 and
Use synonyms
weekends
Change preposition
at weekends
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 because
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time they do not have any criteria to follow and they can enjoy that time. Another reason is that
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 can develop social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 with their peers
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
skill they can utilize during
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 and projects.
Moreover
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, they will gain confidence through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socialisation and they can speak up in
group
Add an article
a group
the group
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 of
people
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with out
Correct your spelling
without
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 any hesitation as they know their peers very well.
On the other hand
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, other
people
Use synonyms
 think that
people
Use synonyms
 should not mix their
working
Replace the word
work
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 and social
life
Use synonyms
. One reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
insecurity
due to
Linking Words
 cut-throat competition in the job market.
For example
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, one can share their issues with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
co-workers because they trust
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them , but their peers spoil that information to the employee.
This
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 will lead to insecurity in one's job.
Furthermore
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, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
missuse
Correct your spelling
misuse
 someone's personal information which can put someone in
truble
Correct your spelling
trouble
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. In conclusion, all the discussion done above I
concur
Change the verb form
concurs
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 should socialise with work colleagues during evenings and
weekends
Use synonyms
 as
this
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 can help to boost their relation stronger and
confidenent
Correct your spelling
confidence
.
Although
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sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 it can put them in trouble ,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 be careful.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each idea flows logically to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further, ensuring that each point is fully developed. Aim for clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outlined, which helps guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced discussion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
What to do next:
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