IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, majority of the people have access to computers and
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 which have made people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 much easier compared to earlier times.
However
Linking Words
, it has been observed that a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays spend a large amount of their time
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. There are a number of negative impacts which have been identified
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, a lot of kids are visually impaired
due to
Linking Words
 the long screen
hours
Use synonyms
 they spend with
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my cousin had to wear powered spectacles at a younger age
due to
Linking Words
 the long
hours
Use synonyms
 she spent on
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Playing
games
Use synonyms
 helps you to be engaged and some
games
Use synonyms
 help with brain development.
However
Linking Words
, it is important for parents or elders to maintain some restrictions on the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 kids spend on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 tend to be less social compared to older time over the years. Since they find
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 more interesting, they stay indoors and indulge themselves
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. They are less involved in outdoor activities and
also
Linking Words
 not interacting with the outside world. These actions can make them less social.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to health issues
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy food habits and may cause stress issues or anxiety problems in
children
Use synonyms
. Parents and educational systems should encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to participate in outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports events or swimming and they should be rewarded in some ways.
This
Linking Words
 method can help the kids to be motivated and
also
Linking Words
 stay away from
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, parents should maintain restricted
hours
Use synonyms
 for accessing the
internet
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they should motivate and encourage the
children
Use synonyms
 to participate in outdoor activities and meet-ups. These practices can reduce the negative effects which the
internet
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 bring to
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, addressing both positive and negative impacts of computer games and suggesting ways to mitigate negative effects. Expanding on how some games contribute to brain development could enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally flows well; however, using more transitional words or phrases could improve the logical progression of ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay, which helps in framing a focused discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the overall argument, reinforcing the essay's message.
task achievement
The use of a personal example adds weight to your argument and demonstrates how excessive screen time can be detrimental to a child's vision.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
What to do next:
Look at other essays: