IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that the the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs . Other believe that there are much wider benefits of university education for both individual and society . Discuss both views and give your opinion .

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #society
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Somepeople
Correct your spelling
Some people
 believe that the
university
 must set their goal to basal
study
 and build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
batter
Correct your spelling
better
show examples
 personality.
However
,
It is clear that
 The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 undergraduate
study
 is
getting
Wrong verb form
to get
show examples
 better positions in the future workplace. On the one hand, Education
counsil
Correct your spelling
counsel
council
 suggests that the
univerity
Correct your spelling
university
 must deliver
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
 range of advantages to the society.
For example
, either general and personal
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 about the law, social activities, sympathy,
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
anything
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
personal
Change preposition
to personal
show examples
 improvements.
Additionally
, fundamental studies like nature science and philosophy should illustrate more than other majors compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the domestic and international students's purpose of
the
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
study
 in college.
On the other hand
,
It is clear that
 the
poplular
Correct your spelling
popular
 majors in universities show more hiring rates and higher wages. take the instance of
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 making lots of money and easily being
employee
Add an article
an employee
show examples
. those are probably
finencial
Correct your spelling
financial
supporter
Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
show examples
 and
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
. Moving
further
, The subjects
relateing
Correct your spelling
related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those jobs are
likey
Correct your spelling
likely
show examples
 to be chosen by students.
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 that I firmly believe the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 taking the
university
 education are getting more opportunities and making
easiler
Correct your spelling
easier
 their future successes. In
conclustion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
University
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
 tend to
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental
study
,
While
 students choose their major to get more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 career markets.
Furthermore
, It is undeniable that the specific subject in
university
 possibly
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more future work opportunities, and It is likely to help reach people's personal
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Submitted by yhj000801 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, focusing each on a distinct point for better readability and coherence.
task achievement
Strengthen the main points you want to make with more detailed examples or evidence to provide readers with a clear understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument regarding the aims of university education.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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