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Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society
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Obesity
 has become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 contentious health issue in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years.
Number
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The number
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 of
people
 who are getting overweight
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 has increased substantially.
This
 essay will concur what are the causes
for
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of
show examples
obesity
 and how these can be avoided.
To begin
 with,
Overweight
Add a missing verb
being Overweight
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 disease
that is
 concerned with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
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 diet .Today,
people
 are heading towards restaurants
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 sell
the
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apply
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
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 and other fast foods,Most of the time Health and safety parameters are not
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 the mark which impacts the health of
Masses
Correct article usage
the Masses
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 severely.
An other
Correct your spelling
Another
show examples
 blatant cause for
this
 is lack of exercise or any physical activity among the
people
. Briefly speaking
obesity
 is because the fats which a
body
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 are not properly utilized by the
body
 so some sort of physical activity is needed in order to burn these additional calories taken by the
body
.
On the other hand
,
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 can be addressed
by
Change preposition
in
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 many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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 in order to nullify the impacts.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
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this
 is that
people
 should eat
Add an article
a balance
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
 diet and
this
 will create
an
Correct article usage
apply
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equality in the calories that are taken by the
body
as well as
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are consumed by it.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
people
 should develop
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 eating habits which will create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balance
.
Correct your spelling
In
in addition
 to that everyone should involve themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity
that is
 good
every
Change preposition
for every
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 part of the
body
 and negates the impacts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
 .
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
people
 should go for
walk
Correct article usage
a walk
show examples
 or play some game that will be beneficial for the
dijestion
Correct your spelling
digestion
 of food .
To conclude
,
obesity
 is itself
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of multiple diseases like heart attack and high blood pressure. The only method to reduce the chances of the disease to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minimal level is to eat
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 diet and exercise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main idea and provides connected details. Improve the logical structure by avoiding repetition and ensuring ideas are smoothly connected.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to fully support your points. Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which present and summarize the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers the main aspects of the question, identifying causes and solutions for obesity.
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