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Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society
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Obesity
Use synonyms
 has become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 contentious health issue in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years.
Number
Change the article
The number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are getting overweight
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 has increased substantially.
This
Linking Words
 essay will concur what are the causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 and how these can be avoided.
To begin
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 with,
Overweight
Add a missing verb
being Overweight
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 disease
that is
Linking Words
 concerned with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
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 diet .Today,
people
Use synonyms
 are heading towards restaurants
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
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 and other fast foods,Most of the time Health and safety parameters are not
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 the mark which impacts the health of
Masses
Correct article usage
the Masses
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 severely.
An other
Correct your spelling
Another
show examples
 blatant cause for
this
Linking Words
 is lack of exercise or any physical activity among the
people
Use synonyms
. Briefly speaking
obesity
Use synonyms
 is because the fats which a
body
Use synonyms
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 are not properly utilized by the
body
Use synonyms
 so some sort of physical activity is needed in order to burn these additional calories taken by the
body
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 can be addressed
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 in order to nullify the impacts.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 should eat
Use synonyms
Add an article
a balance
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
 diet and
this
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 will create
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality in the calories that are taken by the
body
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as well as
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are consumed by it.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should develop
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 eating habits which will create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
In
in addition
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 to that everyone should involve themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity
that is
Linking Words
 good
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
 part of the
body
Use synonyms
 and negates the impacts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 .
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should go for
walk
Correct article usage
a walk
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 or play some game that will be beneficial for the
dijestion
Correct your spelling
digestion
 of food .
To conclude
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is itself
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of multiple diseases like heart attack and high blood pressure. The only method to reduce the chances of the disease to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 minimal level is to eat
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
Balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 diet and exercise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main idea and provides connected details. Improve the logical structure by avoiding repetition and ensuring ideas are smoothly connected.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to fully support your points. Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which present and summarize the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers the main aspects of the question, identifying causes and solutions for obesity.
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