IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where the conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara deserts or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Famous places always attract plenty of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to visit and they usually bring a large quantity of wealth to local areas.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a large number of tourists cause some problems which are pernicious to the environment and the locals at the same time. There are a multitude of magnificent spots in the world and their beauty, fame brings about the public's admiration.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they precipitate the blooming of tourism
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the prosperity of districts. The crowd of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 often gives rise to much spending, so many shops take the custom of tourists, and make a fortune.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, nowadays, overcrowding becomes a nightmare for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who live in the vicinity of attractions.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it indeed brings
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 a wealth of money, it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 results in a variety of pollutions,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers

The spelling of travelers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 are not conscientious about the environment they stay, throw the rubbish arbitrarily, and lead to mess on the streets.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the quality of the surroundings decreases because a tremendous number of
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 leave the space cramped, plus the noise produced and so on.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some travellers choose to stay short-term in areas, which makes housing rent rise. These factors eventually make the locals start to argue against
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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overtourism
Correct your spelling
over-tourism
over tourism

If you don’t want overtourism to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In a nutshell, I think whatever the tourist, the tourism for residents has advantages and drawbacks. As they say, "There are two sides to every coin." It breeds a large number of benefits,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it entails the local government and
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who live long-term to spend the extra finances to maintain various facilities or strive to persist the cleaning
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their place.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you directly address the specific question posed, focusing on both benefits and disadvantages of visiting challenging destinations. Your essay introduces an unrelated topic about famous places and their impact, which could diverge from the intended focus of discussing difficult tourist destinations.
coherence
Enhance coherence by ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and clearly ties back to the main topic. Provide clear connections between ideas, especially when discussing the general impact on locals and environment.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points more vividly. Although general points are mentioned, tying them to real scenarios at places like the Sahara desert or the Antarctic could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph supports the main thesis of your essay. More targeted examples about the challenges in the Sahara or Antarctic would improve the support for your points.
introduction
The essay begins with a strong introduction that engages the reader and presents a clear statement about tourism's dual impact.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion, reiterating the dual nature of tourism's impact on local areas, though it could be more relevant to the specific essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extremophile
  • vulnerability
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable tourism
  • cultural immersion
  • adventure tourism
  • physical endurance
  • ecological impact
  • remote destinations
  • environmental conservation
  • personal growth
  • indigenous populations
  • adventure seekers
  • tourism infrastructure
  • economic development
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