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Band 5.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where the conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara deserts or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #deserts #antarctic #visit
Famous places always attract plenty of
people
 to visit and they usually bring a large quantity of wealth to local areas.
However
, a large number of tourists cause some problems which are pernicious to the environment and the locals at the same time. There are a multitude of magnificent spots in the world and their beauty, fame brings about the public's admiration.
Therefore
, they precipitate the blooming of tourism
as well as
 the prosperity of districts. The crowd of
people
 often gives rise to much spending, so many shops take the custom of tourists, and make a fortune.
On the other hand
, nowadays, overcrowding becomes a nightmare for
people
 who live in the vicinity of attractions.
Although
 it indeed brings
people
 a wealth of money, it
also
 results in a variety of pollutions,
for example
, some
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 are not conscientious about the environment they stay, throw the rubbish arbitrarily, and lead to mess on the streets.
Moreover
, the quality of the surroundings decreases because a tremendous number of
people
 leave the space cramped, plus the noise produced and so on.
Additionally
, some travellers choose to stay short-term in areas, which makes housing rent rise. These factors eventually make the locals start to argue against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overtourism
Correct your spelling
over-tourism
over tourism
. In a nutshell, I think whatever the tourist, the tourism for residents has advantages and drawbacks. As they say, "There are two sides to every coin." It breeds a large number of benefits,
whereas
 it entails the local government and
people
 who live long-term to spend the extra finances to maintain various facilities or strive to persist the cleaning
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their place.
Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you directly address the specific question posed, focusing on both benefits and disadvantages of visiting challenging destinations. Your essay introduces an unrelated topic about famous places and their impact, which could diverge from the intended focus of discussing difficult tourist destinations.
coherence
Enhance coherence by ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and clearly ties back to the main topic. Provide clear connections between ideas, especially when discussing the general impact on locals and environment.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points more vividly. Although general points are mentioned, tying them to real scenarios at places like the Sahara desert or the Antarctic could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph supports the main thesis of your essay. More targeted examples about the challenges in the Sahara or Antarctic would improve the support for your points.
introduction
The essay begins with a strong introduction that engages the reader and presents a clear statement about tourism's dual impact.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion, reiterating the dual nature of tourism's impact on local areas, though it could be more relevant to the specific essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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