Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

Nowadays, many societies are suffering from

obesity

issues and the phenomenon is starting to grow day by day.

This

pandemic can highly affect

humans

Change noun form

humans'

human's

show examples

general

health

and increase the

number

of diseases.

This

essay will discuss the main reasons for

obesity

and try to present solutions.

To begin

with ,getting obese is a multifactorial issue and there a several factors that contribute to overweight

people

However

, I believe that the main reason contributing to

obesity

is the easy access to

junk

food

restaurants.

In addition

people

nowadays are facing a hectic life busy with a

tan

Correct your spelling

ton

show examples

of missions and tasks,

as a result

Add the comma(s)

show examples

they prefer to choose fast

food

instead

of cooking their own healthy meals.

Therefore

junk

food

is the more convenient option to be chosen especially with the busy lifestyle .

Furthermore

, the presence of social media and computer games has a significant impact on increasing the

number

of obese

people

Therefore

people

tend to spend their time on technological gadgets rather than doing physical exercises or joining fitness

evetsevets

Correct your spelling

evets evets

. To tackle

this

issue, the government should add more taxes on

junk

food

prices and increase citizens' awareness by facilitating more public events.

Furthermore

elevate

Wrong verb form

elevating

show examples

fast

food

costs will help to reduce the

number

people

's purchases.

Therefore

people

will tend to cook their own healthy meals rather than pay a high amount for fast

food

Moreover

, increasing public social activity will enhance

Change noun form

people's

show examples

people

awareness

and

Change preposition

of and

show examples

importance of physical exercise.

In addition

, the public events encourage citizens to develop new

health

skills and improve their fitness levels.

To conclude

obesity

has started to be a worldwide pandemic that has a detrimental effect on

people

health

.In my opinion, the popularity of unhealthy restaurants and the sedentary lifestyle

Change the verb form

are

show examples

the main reasons for

this

issue.

However

, increasing the prices of

junk

food

and facilitating more

health

events have a fundamental effect

to reduce

Change preposition

on reducing

show examples

the

number

of overweight

people

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are connected with smooth transitions for improved flow. Consider using words like 'additionally', 'moreover', or 'in contrast' to connect ideas more fluidly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly outlines the issue and what you intend to discuss, which sets a coherent direction for the essay.

task achievement

You have successfully identified key reasons for obesity, such as easy access to junk food and a sedentary lifestyle, and suggested relevant solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

It is believed that the education system is the most critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this belief?

Children usually want to play the same games and watch the same tv programs as their friends. Should Parents allow it or not? Give your opinion and examples from your experience.