Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?
Nowadays, many societies are suffering from they prefer to choose fast
obesity
issues and the phenomenon is starting to grow day by day.This
pandemic can highly affect humans
general Change noun form
humans'
human's
health
and increase the number
of diseases.This
essay will discuss the main reasons for obesity
and try to present solutions.
To begin
with ,getting obese is a multifactorial issue and there a several factors that contribute to overweight people
.However
, I believe that the main reason contributing to obesity
is the easy access to junk
food
restaurants.In addition
, people
nowadays are facing a hectic life busy with a tan
of missions and tasks, Correct your spelling
ton
as a result
Add the comma(s)
,
food
instead
of cooking their own healthy meals. Therefore
, junk
food
is the more convenient option to be chosen especially with the busy lifestyle .Furthermore
, the presence of social media and computer games has a significant impact on increasing the number
of obese people
.Therefore
, people
tend to spend their time on technological gadgets rather than doing physical exercises or joining fitness evetsevets
.
To tackle Correct your spelling
evets evets
this
issue, the government should add more taxes on junk
food
prices and increase citizens' awareness by facilitating more public events. Furthermore
, elevate
fast Wrong verb form
elevating
food
costs will help to reduce the number
of people
's purchases.Therefore
, people
will tend to cook their own healthy meals rather than pay a high amount for fast food
. Moreover
, increasing public social activity will enhanceChange noun form
people's
people
awareness and
importance of physical exercise.Change preposition
of and
In addition
, the public events encourage citizens to develop new health
skills and improve their fitness levels.
To conclude
, obesity
has started to be a worldwide pandemic that has a detrimental effect on people
's health
.In my opinion, the popularity of unhealthy restaurants and the sedentary lifestyle is
the main reasons for Change the verb form
are
this
issue.However
, increasing the prices of junk
food
and facilitating more health
events have a fundamental effect to reduce
the Change preposition
on reducing
number
of overweight people
.Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are connected with smooth transitions for improved flow. Consider using words like 'additionally', 'moreover', or 'in contrast' to connect ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the issue and what you intend to discuss, which sets a coherent direction for the essay.
task achievement
You have successfully identified key reasons for obesity, such as easy access to junk food and a sedentary lifestyle, and suggested relevant solutions.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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