Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, many societies are suffering from

obesity

issues and the phenomenon is starting to grow day by day.

This

pandemic can highly affect

humans

Change noun form

humans'

human's

show examples

general

health

and increase the

number

of diseases.

This

essay will discuss the main reasons for

obesity

and try to present solutions.

To begin

with ,getting obese is a multifactorial issue and there a several factors that contribute to overweight

people

However

, I believe that the main reason contributing to

obesity

is the easy access to

junk

food

restaurants.

In addition

people

nowadays are facing a hectic life busy with a

tan

Correct your spelling

ton

show examples

of missions and tasks,

as a result

Add the comma(s)

show examples

they prefer to choose fast

food

instead

of cooking their own healthy meals.

Therefore

junk

food

is the more convenient option to be chosen especially with the busy lifestyle .

Furthermore

, the presence of social media and computer games has a significant impact on increasing the

number

of obese

people

Therefore

people

tend to spend their time on technological gadgets rather than doing physical exercises or joining fitness

evetsevets

Correct your spelling

evets evets

. To tackle

this

issue, the government should add more taxes on

junk

food

prices and increase citizens' awareness by facilitating more public events.

Furthermore

elevate

Wrong verb form

elevating

show examples

fast

food

costs will help to reduce the

number

people

's purchases.

Therefore

people

will tend to cook their own healthy meals rather than pay a high amount for fast

food

Moreover

, increasing public social activity will enhance

Change noun form

people's

show examples

people

awareness

and

Change preposition

of and

show examples

importance of physical exercise.

In addition

, the public events encourage citizens to develop new

health

skills and improve their fitness levels.

To conclude

obesity

has started to be a worldwide pandemic that has a detrimental effect on

people

health

.In my opinion, the popularity of unhealthy restaurants and the sedentary lifestyle

Change the verb form

are

show examples

the main reasons for

this

issue.

However

, increasing the prices of

junk

food

and facilitating more

health

events have a fundamental effect

to reduce

Change preposition

on reducing

show examples

the

number

of overweight

people

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Wed Oct 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are connected with smooth transitions for improved flow. Consider using words like 'additionally', 'moreover', or 'in contrast' to connect ideas more fluidly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly outlines the issue and what you intend to discuss, which sets a coherent direction for the essay.

task achievement

You have successfully identified key reasons for obesity, such as easy access to junk food and a sedentary lifestyle, and suggested relevant solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. to what extent do you agree or disagree ?
It is argued that advertisement is the major cause behind the huge sale of popular consumer goods and does not mirror the real things that a society needs. I strongly agree with this notion because of the attractive and urgency trap created for products.
<4
band
Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The internet has changed how we live and work. Some thinks it makes the gap between rich and poor bigger, while others believe it helps close this gap. I will discuss both views and share my opinion.
5
band
Water pollution has become an increasing problem over the past few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem?
Water contamination has been increasing over the past few years. There are some factors why this has happened, and I assume that there are some possible solution to solve this issue.
5
band
Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own
The debate over whether playing sports as part of a team or as an individual is more effective remains contentious in the realm of sports. It is evident that Assessing the significant impact of each playing style on a player's performance is a challenging task. While team play appears to offer greater competitive advantages, some athletes excel when performing individually. This essay seeks to delve into both perspectives.
6.5
band
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Spending time with friends or alone is totally a personal choice,there are two main views about this subject one group believes that younglings and children should spend their free time in team activities,while others think it is better to pass their time alone,In this essay ,I will discuss both views and according to my opinion ,being invloved in group activities has numerous and countless benefits.

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Water pollution has become an increasing problem over the past few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem?

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion