Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

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Nowadays, many societies are suffering from

obesity

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issues and the phenomenon is starting to grow day by day.

This

Linking Words

pandemic can highly affect

humans

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humans'

human's

show examples

general

health

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and increase the

number

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of diseases.

This

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essay will discuss the main reasons for

obesity

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and try to present solutions.

To begin

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with ,getting obese is a multifactorial issue and there a several factors that contribute to overweight

people

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However

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, I believe that the main reason contributing to

obesity

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is the easy access to

junk

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food

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restaurants.

In addition

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people

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nowadays are facing a hectic life busy with a

tan

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ton

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of missions and tasks,

as a result

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Add the comma(s)

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they prefer to choose fast

food

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instead

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of cooking their own healthy meals.

Therefore

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junk

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food

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is the more convenient option to be chosen especially with the busy lifestyle .

Furthermore

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, the presence of social media and computer games has a significant impact on increasing the

number

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of obese

people

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Therefore

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people

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tend to spend their time on technological gadgets rather than doing physical exercises or joining fitness

evetsevets

Correct your spelling

evets evets

. To tackle

this

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issue, the government should add more taxes on

junk

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food

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prices and increase citizens' awareness by facilitating more public events.

Furthermore

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elevate

Wrong verb form

elevating

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fast

food

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costs will help to reduce the

number

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people

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's purchases.

Therefore

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people

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will tend to cook their own healthy meals rather than pay a high amount for fast

food

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Moreover

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, increasing public social activity will enhance

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people's

show examples

people

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awareness

and

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of and

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importance of physical exercise.

In addition

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, the public events encourage citizens to develop new

health

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skills and improve their fitness levels.

To conclude

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obesity

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has started to be a worldwide pandemic that has a detrimental effect on

people

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health

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.In my opinion, the popularity of unhealthy restaurants and the sedentary lifestyle

Change the verb form

are

show examples

the main reasons for

this

Linking Words

issue.

However

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, increasing the prices of

junk

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food

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and facilitating more

health

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events have a fundamental effect

to reduce

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on reducing

show examples

the

number

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of overweight

people

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rahafalkhashti7Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are connected with smooth transitions for improved flow. Consider using words like 'additionally', 'moreover', or 'in contrast' to connect ideas more fluidly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly outlines the issue and what you intend to discuss, which sets a coherent direction for the essay.

task achievement

You have successfully identified key reasons for obesity, such as easy access to junk food and a sedentary lifestyle, and suggested relevant solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

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Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that at all levels of education, from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree? Read my sample answer here. Reported on IELTS October 5th

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, services, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. What is the cause? What can be done to deal with this.

Some people believe that students should be allowed to evaluate and criticise their teachers to improve the quality of education. Others think this is disrespectful to teachers. Discuss both views, give your opinion and include relevant examples.