IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter: describe what type of presentation you have in mind what topics it would cover and how long it would take who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted

#manager #permission #presentation #type #mind #topics
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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to get your permission for
presentation
Correct article usage
the presentation
show examples
 .
Last
 time, I remember when you had
meeting
Add an article
a meeting
show examples
 with all of
employees
Add an article
the employees
show examples
 you mentioned
to put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
discount
 on
Correct article usage
the festivals
show examples
festivals
Change the noun form
festival
show examples
 season on our
company
's electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. Next month, Diwali is coming and
that is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 very famous festival in our country.
On
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
festival
Add a comma
festival,
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 every individual
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
 new
electronic
Replace the word
electronics
show examples
 or their house styling things.
This
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good time
for giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
 them
discount
Correct article usage
a discount
show examples
 and
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 our
company
. So, I decided to make the
presentation
 on how to distribute the
discount
 on all items. In that
presentation
, I will describe the
discount
 amount of items with
superdeals
Correct your spelling
super deals
supermodels
 to attract people.
This
 will increase the sale and it will be beneficial for our
company
. It will take only one to two hours for
this
presentation
. I believe we can do it in the office as we have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of space. I will
also
 discuss
to put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deals like buy one get one free. Because as
customers
Fix the agreement mistake
customer
show examples
 I wait for
whole
Add an article
a whole
the whole
show examples
 year to buy the new products only because of deals or discounts.
Moreover
, with these
deals
Add a comma
deals,
show examples
 our
company
 can recover from the loss which they had five months ago. I hope you will allow me to present
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and I can do
this
presentation
 on coming Friday after we close. Hope to hear back soon. Yours sincerely, Sin
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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logical structure
To improve the logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and builds upon the previous one. Consider breaking long paragraphs into smaller ones with clear ideas.
complete response
Make sure to address all bullet points in detail and ensure clarity of the presentation's purpose.
suitable writing tone
Use a formal salutation like 'Dear [Manager's Name]' for better personalization and formality.
greeting and closing
The letter has a good greeting and closing, keeping a professional tone.
suitable writing tone
The writing tone is suitable for a formal request to a manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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