Some people believe that climate change has the greatest effect on people’s way of life. Others believe the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It was argued that nowadays
climate
change
has the biggest impact on people
's living style
, while
somes
are argued the Correct your spelling
some
economy
has the most sinificant
effect. In Correct your spelling
significant
this
essay, it will delve into both sides of argument
of the above statement.
On the one hand, Add an article
the argument
somes
argued that Correct your spelling
some
economy
will affect what level of living. To be precise, Correct article usage
the economy
people
earn
more profit can enjoy a more Correct pronoun usage
who earn
lersure
Correct your spelling
leisure
leisurely
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
, to contrast people
lose
money in the Correct pronoun usage
who lose
economy
will leads
to a lower level of living. Change the verb form
lead
Therefore
, they cannot earn profits due to
the economy
and it will definitely ruin their life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
. For example
, a rich people
lose all his money from the economy
, hence
he have
to Change the verb form
has
change
a life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
to a frugal way.
On the other hand
, some people
claim that climate
change
will let the world temperature increase sharply over time, hence
no winter in the future. Moreover
, people
have to live in a
Change the article
an
extream
hot weather. Correct your spelling
extreme
This
is because climate
change
will let
the atmosphere Verb problem
make
becomes
hotter and hotter. Correct subject-verb agreement
become
According to
Professor
Correct article usage
a Professor
in
Cambridge Change preposition
at
said
Verb problem
apply
people
cannot live in more than 40 degree
places, which will Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
let
Verb problem
cause
people
died
. Yet, the Verb problem
to die
life
of people
is way more than the wealth of people
, hence
the impact of climate
change
cannot be neglected.
All in all, people
should focus on the
Correct article usage
apply
climate
change
because of the serious impact due to
that. Although
economic
effect will Correct article usage
the economic
also
makes
Change the verb form
make
people
change
their life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
, climate
change
still affect
more significant than that.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by asllchkied on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow and connection between ideas in your paragraphs could be improved, making your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views of the argument, as required by the task. However, your ideas are not fully developed in terms of providing clear, comprehensive explanations and examples that directly support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be made clearer by using more precise and varied vocabulary. This will help reduce minor inaccuracies and make your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
You have made a good attempt in discussing both sides of the argument, which is a positive step towards fulfilling the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame your argument and makes it easier for the reader to understand your main points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example