IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals might assume that it is only appropriate for
upper-upshigher-ups
Correct your spelling
upper-higher-ups

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in the company to receive much higher wages compared to the other employees. I am inclined to agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 notion
,;
Change the punctuation
,
;

The punctuation in ,; is incorrect. Consider changing the punctuation.

show examples
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 see why others might disagree. As we all know, occupying a higher position—like
managersmanagerial
Correct your spelling
managers managerial

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roles—comes with its own benefits and challenges. As the saying goes, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Having a senior management position is extremely difficult because individuals will be in charge of
yourtheir
Correct your spelling
your their

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departments, and you
havethey
Correct your spelling
have they
have the

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have to make sure that everything is going smoothly.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they should receive a higher salary to compensate for what they bring to the company.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a lot of employees disagree because they often see their seniors slacking off
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they work for hours on end. I know for a fact that some unruly and lazy managers will just delegate their workload to their subordinates, leaving
themthe
Correct your spelling
them

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subordinates feeling miserable. These seniors usually got their positions through nepotism.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, quite a
quite high
Correct word choice
large

There may be an adjective issue here.

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 amount of workers do not think that those seniors deserve a higher wage.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 situation is unfortunately still very common in workplaces.
Nonetheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, senior managers who are able to do their job well
do
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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deserve the amount they receive.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 why companies must evaluate their employees regularly to cut off people who give zero contributions. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there may be workers who disagree with the fact that senior management positions
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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have much higher salaries than other workers, I still believe that they are fairly compensated, given their positions.

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to provide stronger support for your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid the use of informal language, such as 'like' and 'slacking off,' to maintain a formal tone suited for an academic essay.
task achievement
Make sure your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction to guide your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with paragraphs clearly dedicated to different viewpoints and providing a balance between agreeing and disagreeing perspectives.
task achievement
Good use of a famous quote to add depth and context to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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