An increasing number of professionals such as doctor and teacher are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
These days, everywhere, you turn on the TV or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you see news about
the
doctors and Correct article usage
apply
the
teachers moving to other nations. The question arises in our mind, why do they leave their countries and what factors are behind it? Many Correct article usage
apply
people
assume that each year number of individuals leave their countries and prefer to live in other territories in order to secure their future. However
, in my opinion
there are Add a comma
opinion,
numbers
of factors behind it and Fix the agreement mistake
number
right
Correct article usage
the right
desision
Correct your spelling
decision
on
the perfect time, is the only solution Change preposition
at
for
Change preposition
to
this
hurdle. I will support my opinion and will give some solutions at the end
of this
essay.
According to
the experts, many doctors and the
teachers, are Correct article usage
apply
setteling
abroad every year, with the purpose Correct your spelling
settling
to work
and secure their future. Change preposition
of working
For instance
, as per report
, Add an article
the report
a report
last
year in Pakistan more than 1 lac youngsters and professionals left their poor country
, for education
and jobs. Even they pointed out certain reasons in their research that forces
Correct subject-verb agreement
force
people
to leave their territories. Firstly
, in their state, they do not have proper job opportunities and majority
of the seats are Add an article
the majority
a majority
occupies
by Wrong verb form
occupied
the
corrupt Correct article usage
apply
people
because there is no concept of merit based
selection. Add a hyphen
merit-based
Secondly
, low salaries stand high in this
regard. As pay offered to the
qualified Correct article usage
apply
people
, are
not Correct subject-verb agreement
is
according to
their expectations and the amount they have spend
on their Change the verb form
spent
education
, during their study tenure. Additionally
, the education
system of the
poor countries Correct article usage
apply
are
not that good and Correct subject-verb agreement
is
have
no value in the international world, which grabs Correct subject-verb agreement
has
students
attention towards international universities.
Change noun form
students'
student's
Moreover
, because of them, the country
faces many hurdles. Likewise
, the state is left with fewer or no highly intellectual residents. It also
results in reducing, the qualified and educated individuals in the region. Even it risk
the image of the particular Change the verb form
risks
country
in the world as well.
Furthermore
, It is also
said that if the authorities want to take benefits from the educated residents, then
they have to take sudden steps to make them stay in the country
. The first thing they have to do is that
they should introduce the concept of Correct word choice
apply
merit based
selection. They should offer job opportunities Add a hyphen
merit-based
becase
if the residents find enough jobs Correct your spelling
because
with in
the border, they will not think about moving Correct your spelling
within
to
abroad. Apart from Change preposition
apply
it
, the authorities should make salary packages interesting for the public. Correct pronoun usage
that
Then
and there, the administration will be able to make full use of them.
Hence
, it is proven from the above arguments that sudden actions by the management will not only be helpful for them,
but the population as well. No doubt population of the third-world states are facing obstacles, in their way of building their future. If they are provided with all the facilities Remove the comma
apply
according to
their needs and education
, then
for sure they will say no to the throughts
that make them leave their homeland.Correct your spelling
thoughts
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that linking words are used to create a smoother flow between ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
While the main points are well-supported, further specific examples or statistics could strengthen the overall argument. Consider using more data or case studies to back up your assertions, especially when discussing the impact on poorer countries.
task achievement
Work on refining the clarity of ideas by avoiding grammatical errors and using a more precise vocabulary to convey your points effectively. This will enhance the overall readability and persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are well-structured, providing a clear beginning and end to your argument.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses both parts of the task, identifying problems and proposing solutions.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about the challenges faced by poorer countries due to the migration of professionals.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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