IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills
Nowadays,
people
 have different assumptions
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 having a bright future. Some of them relate it to the degrees,
whereas
 many think that through experience and personal
skills
,
one
 can achieve it. I completely agree with the ideas, because to me both are important parts of
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
.
Also
, I will support my opinion in
this
 essay with examples. Commencing the first idea of the essay, it is true that we are living in the era of education. Everyone is trying their level best to
accquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 education from the top institutes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is the need of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 time. Nowadays, it is a kind of trend that
one
 can not have
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 without
degree
Add an article
a degree
the degree
show examples
. So is the case with the industries and businesses, as, they only accept
canditates
Correct your spelling
candidates
 who are qualified enough.
For instance
, in Pakistan, a person with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 degree has more opportunities to grab
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 seat, than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person with
skills
 only.
Moreover
, the other group believes that
one
 should focus on soft
skills
 and experience,as these are the keys to success. Because to them,
one
 can only get theoretical knowledge from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books, rather than practical.
However
, practical
people
 are
well
Rephrase
better
show examples
 experienced than
people
 who have wasted years in the universities.
Additionally
, individuals with
skills
, are confident enough to start a small business, which will help them in having
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
show examples
 future. As far as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 my opinion is concerned, I prefer both. To
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 both are equally important for a bright career.
Also
, I believe that
one
 should have
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
 but,he/she should
also
 be familiar with the practical implementation of the knowledge, he/she has gained during his/her study tenure.
Hence
, it is proven from the above arguments that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should
also
word
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
 hard to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
, but
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they should
also
 try to adopt soft
skills
, because the market values educated
people
, with
skills
 and experience.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate further on how both university education and soft skills play a crucial role in various career paths to enhance the depth of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly, perhaps by dedicating separate paragraphs to each perspective discussed along with your opinion.
task achievement
Include more examples, especially those related to how soft skills have helped individuals in specific scenarios.
task achievement
The topic is addressed comprehensively, with a clear discussion of both perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The essay concludes with a personal opinion, providing a well-rounded argument.
introduction
The introduction successfully sets the context for the discussion by acknowledging the importance of both education and soft skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: