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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as deser or the antarctic. What are the benefit and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places.

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These days, more
visitors
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 are visiting
places
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 where the
weather
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 conditions are harsh,
such
Linking Words
 as
desert
Fix the agreement mistake
deserts
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 or the
antarctic
Capitalize word
Antarctic
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. The advantages of visiting these
places
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 are
visitors
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 experience new environments and become adaptive to them. The drawbacks are affecting the health of
visitors
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 and neglecting
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 and familial responsibilities of the
visitors
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. One of the advantages of visiting
places
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 is
this
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 helps
visitors
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to
Verb problem
apply
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learn about new environments.
Visitors
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 gain knowledge about the geography and climate of these
places
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. The second advantage is exploring new
places
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 helps
tourists
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 to become adaptive to harsh
enviroments
Correct your spelling
environments
. These types of humans easily survive in any
weather
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 or
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places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
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.
For example
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,
tourists
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 who
climbed
Wrong verb form
climb
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 mountains can easily cope with any situation.
Becasue
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Because
 the
weather
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 of mountains are very harsh, and they are used to it. One of the disadvantages of visiting difficult
places
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 is its
affect
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effect
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 on the health of
tourists
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.
Tourists
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 have to tackle harsh
weather
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 which severely affects their health. They suffer
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 numerous diseases
due to
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 harsh
weather
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 conditions
such
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 as cold and
caugh
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cough
, fever, muscle strain and so on.
Moreover
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,
while
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 visiting
places
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,
visitors
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 ignore their familial and societal responsibilities. They do not socialize with their friends and cannot perform familial responsibilities.
For example
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, visiting harsh
places
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 refrain
visitors
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 from getting married, because they believe if they get married, they cannot go for exploration.
To conclude
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, visiting harsh
places
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 helps
tourists
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 to see new
places
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 and
and
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apply
show examples
make them adaptive to new environments.
However
Linking Words
,
tourists
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 suffer from diseases and cannot become social if they go for exploration.

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Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point. For instance, while the health impacts are mentioned, providing more detailed examples or a deeper explanation can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all examples clearly support the point being made. For example, your example about mountains helps illustrate adaptability well, but could use further detail.
Task Achievement
The essay adequately introduces the topic and outlines both advantages and disadvantages of visiting challenging destinations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, maintaining a clear link to the introduction.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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