In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is unarguable that several
people
opt to move out from their hometown to another locations
in order to get higher Replace the adjective
another location
other locations
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
opportunites
in many countries, others argue that Correct your spelling
opportunities
this
might happened due to
the relation with economic areas. Hence
, I strongly disagree with
the Change preposition
that
benefit
of Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
this
issue outweight
possible negative effects Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
such
as inequity and densely
population in the centralized area will be discussed Replace the word
density
further
in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believed
that they rather move outWrong verb form
believe
to
. Change preposition
apply
To simply
explain, Change preposition
Simply
Add an article
an economical
the economical
economical
Replace the word
economic
area
often Fix the agreement mistake
areas
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
higher
Add an article
a higher
rate
than others Fix the agreement mistake
rates
place
that Add the particle
to place
mainly
for Add a missing verb
are mainly
residentual
. In Correct your spelling
residents
this
sense, it is no wonder why many people
move away from their peers and love's
Change noun form
love
one
to gain better incentives for Correct pronoun usage
ones
make
a living.
Change the verb form
making
However
, I personally argue in favour of its
negative side of Change the word
the
this
claim seeing this
could lead to the
inequity Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
at
societal
level, especially Add an article
the societal
the
major cities. As a Change preposition
in the
consequences
of profitable offers and various Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
jobs
opportunities that drew the attention of Change the noun form
job
people
to settle down in other cities instead
of staying at
their hometown can create high demand in living Change preposition
in
particular
Change preposition
in particular
area
. Take Bangkok, Fix the agreement mistake
areas
for example
; the majority of people
were amde
up from those who Correct your spelling
made
born
and bred from other cities. They all agree that major Add a missing verb
were born
city
offer large Fix the agreement mistake
cities
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
along with
better
quality Add an article
the better
of
infrastructures compared with their birthplace. It is obvious that the development of infrastructure between Change preposition
apply
two
areas Correct article usage
the two
are
totally different in quality.
In summary, Change the verb form
is
although
it is undeniable that in
job seekers must Change preposition
apply
sacrifices
their social and families to Wrong verb form
sacrifice
other place
in order to get better financial offers are common these days, I am of the opinion that Change the wording
another place
other places
this
concern could contribute to a worrying effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
worrying effects
a worrying effect
such
as it promote
inequity Wrong verb form
promoting
such
as unproportional development of infrastructures which the government need to step in.Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
Try to clarify the economic benefits and drawbacks more clearly, providing specific reasons why moving for work might or might not be worthwhile.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on increasing the clarity of ideas by using straightforward language and avoiding overly complex sentences.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of moving for work.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, like Bangkok, which helped to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame and summarize your arguments well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.