IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rathan than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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These days, individuals prefer to run their own enterprises rather
working
Wrong verb form
than work
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 for someone else.
This
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 approach has many pros and cons and
this
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 essay will try to delve into both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aspects.
To begin
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 with, on the brighter side, there are chances to get higher rewards. Indeed, undoubtedly, running own business is a difficult task and
one
Use synonyms
 has to play the role of a multi-tasker. It is a
fifficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 task to establish
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
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 work and run it, but if
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
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 goes well
then
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one
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 can expect huge profits after a few years. To illustrate, Mr Dheerubhai Ambani, was an Indian businessman, during
his
Change the pronoun
the
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 initial days he worked in an oil company and later he decided to run his own petro-chemical firm
and
Correct word choice
apply
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after a few years of hardships and struggle, he managed to
made
Change the verb
make
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 his company named Reliance a profitable venture.
Hence
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,
one
Use synonyms
 must consider running own work,
instead
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 of relying on a fixed salary.
On the other hand
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, on the downside, failure can shatter
one
Use synonyms
's confidence. In fact, it is
harsh
Add an article
a harsh
the harsh
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 reality, because
Add an article
the chance
a chance
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chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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to become
Change preposition
of becoming
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 a successful businessman
are
Change the verb form
is
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 always low and at
Correct article usage
the
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initial
stages
Add a comma
stages,
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 failures could demotivate a person.
This
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 could be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 a research report, about 32 per cent of entrepreneurs,
when
Correct word choice
who
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 experience setbacks in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 find themselves in Depression and Anxiety.
Therefore
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, those who have low self-confidence may find self-employment difficult.
To sum up
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, as a matter of fact, risk reward
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
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 is much higher in own work, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 failures could destroy
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
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 and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 an individual
depress
Wrong verb form
depressed
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the task prompt are fully addressed. The essay discusses reasons and some disadvantages, but explanations are lacking depth and coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas should be presented clearly and organized effectively; try using paragraphs dedicated to each point for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support all main arguments with well-explained examples that directly link back to the central idea of the paragraph.
Task Achievement
You provide a relevant specific example about Dheerubhai Ambani which enriches the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Overall structure is apparent with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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