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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.
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The
displayed
Verb problem
apply
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pie charts illustrate five different kinds of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 sources from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, coal was the predominant fuel in both years.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 all the other forms of power witnessed an increase, the demand for petrol declined noticeably. In 1995, almost 60% of total
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 was allocated to coal and gas. With a mere 1% growth in both power
production
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 stations, these two
energy
Use synonyms
 forms continued to dominate the
energy
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production
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 industry a decade later.
Moreover
Linking Words
, petrol was the third source of
energy
Use synonyms
production
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 in 1995, making up for almost one-third of the
production
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.
However
Linking Words
, by the end of the
period
Add a comma
period,
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 the
production
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 bottomed down to roughly one-fifth.
Finally
Linking Words
, 6.40% of France's
energy
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production
Use synonyms
 stemmed from nuclear
energy
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 at the beginning of the period, with a negligible increase
its
Change preposition
in its
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production
Use synonyms
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 a tenth,
While
Linking Words
 other forms of
energy
Use synonyms
 sources grew from a low of one-twenty to one-tenth of total
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nuclear energy
  • Renewable energy
  • Non-renewable energy
  • Technological advancements
  • Government policy
  • Environmental policies
  • Investment in renewable technologies
  • Traditional energy sources
  • Coal usage
  • Natural gas
  • Environmental regulations
  • Energy consumption
  • Energy production levels
  • Proportion
  • Broader trends
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