IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that donot provide much nutritions . This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children . What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent?

#children #food #drinks #donot #nutritions #diet #rise #obesity #steps
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The line chart provides key information about the daily consumption of three types
each
Change preposition
of each
show examples
 person between 1981 and 2007 in a region. The units are measured in
grams
.
Overall
, it is clear from the graph that
butter
 was a significant component in 1986.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
margarine reached
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest number roughly 100
grams
 in 1991,
whereas
 in 2007, it received
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest score
by
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of
show examples
 40
grams
.
Moreover
, it demonstrated
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 margarine
was gotten
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 consumption.
According to
 what is shown, the low fat and reduced spreads initiated in 1996 approximately 10
grams
,
subsequently
 soared to 80
grams
 in 2001.
Then
, it
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slightly decreased number by 65 in 2007. In terms of
butter
, the graph represented
a varying percentages
Correct the article-noun agreement
a varying percentage
varying percentages
show examples
 of consumed.
Commence in
Verb problem
In
show examples
 1981,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
butter
 achieved the highest rate of
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 among all other categories around 140 and in 1986, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slightly increased by 160
grams
. Suddenly, after all these years
plunged
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
 of
butter
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007, they were consumed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
45
grams
 of
butter
.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the main purpose of the essay and provide a conclusion summarizing the key findings or insights.
logical structure
Check sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence. Avoid abrupt transitions between points.
complete response
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, and support your points consistently.
supported main points
The essay provides a detailed description of trends in the data, such as changes in butter and margarine consumption over time.
relevant specific examples
There is a good attempt to quantify the data with specific figures and time periods, which adds credibility to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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