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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the USA, Canada, the UK and Japan in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the USA, Canada, the UK and Japan in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #usa #canada #uk #japan #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of
expenses
 in five different sectors of four countries (United
States
, Canada, United Kingdom) in 2009.
Overall
, it
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a large proportion of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent in
Housing
Add an article
the Housing
show examples
 sector,
whereas
, Health care had a
minorty
Correct your spelling
minority
 of
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
show examples
.
To begin
 with, more
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 a quarter of
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 was spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Housing in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
state
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
, and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 25% in other countries.
Food
Add an article
The food
show examples
 industry has
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest
shares
Fix the agreement mistake
share
show examples
 in
expenses
 for Japan and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, meanwhile United
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 and Canada accounted for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 15% of
expenses
. Exactly 20% of
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
 by Canada
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Transportation,
whereas
, countries invested less than 20%. Only United
States
 spend more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 5%
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health care,
while
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom has around 2.5% of
expenses
. In
clothing
Correct article usage
the clothing
show examples
 sector,
approx
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 5% of
expenses
done
Add a missing verb
are done
show examples
 by
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 nations
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
Correct article usage
the Uinted
show examples
Uinted
Correct your spelling
United
States
. Which has around 2.5% of
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
 in Clothing.
Submitted by merujain2221 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses, states with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure proportions
  • key categories
  • emerged as the leading category
  • expenditure share
  • cultural or economic differences
  • disproportionately high
  • unique healthcare structure
  • spending habits
  • claimed the largest share
  • relatively consistent
  • devoting the smallest percentage
  • distinct distributions
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