IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #journey #school #children #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar graph below illustrates how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
who are
Verb problem
apply
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aged
inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
in between
 11 to 16 arrive at
school
Use synonyms
 in Great Britain within 12 months using four different
transportation
Use synonyms
 modes
such
Linking Words
 as by foot, by
bicycle
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,
Use synonyms
car
Change preposition
by car
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 and the
bus
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar graph,
children
Use synonyms
 within a short distance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
school
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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transportation
Use synonyms
 modes like
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
walking,
bicycle
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 and
car
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 most of the students
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
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 far away from the
school
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
Use synonyms
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 and
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
.
Arround
Correct your spelling
Around
 90% of
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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live within 0-1
Use synonyms
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
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that is
Linking Words
 really close to the
school
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 used to walk from their houses,
while
Linking Words
 50% and less than 25% of the same
catergory
Correct your spelling
category
 used bicycles and cars respectively.
Children
Use synonyms
 in the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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catergory rearly
Correct your spelling
category rarely
 used a
bus
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 (approximately 5%).
Children
Use synonyms
 who are living within 1-2
miles
Use synonyms
 away from the
school
Use synonyms
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 almost every
transportation
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 mode
such
Linking Words
 as walking,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bicycle
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,
car
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 and
bus
Use synonyms
 in
a considerable proportions
Correct the article-noun agreement
considerable proportions
a considerable proportion
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as nearly 60%, 77%, 20% and 10% in the respective order.
While
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 who live within 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
 away from the schools used
a significant proportions
Correct the article-noun agreement
significant proportions
a significant proportion
show examples
 from each mode of
transportation
Use synonyms
 as 25% by walking,
nealry
Correct your spelling
nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50%
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 a
bicycle
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, approximately 30% used a
car
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 and 50% used
Use synonyms
bus
Correct article usage
a bus
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 shows that the proportions of
children
Use synonyms
 who used
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 and
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bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
seems
Change the verb form
seem
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 equal in
statisctics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 when considering
children
Use synonyms
 who live within 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 over 5
miles
Use synonyms
 only used cars and buses to reach the
school
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 to travel. the percentages are nearly 30% and 65% respectively.
Submitted by samadhi22ch on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, school, transportation, bicycle, car, bus, miles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Modes of transportation
  • Percentage
  • Comparative analysis
  • Seasonal variations
  • External factors
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Non-motorized modes
  • Safety
  • Convenience
  • Sustainable
  • Initiatives
  • Promoting
  • Improvements
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