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Band 4

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #journey #school #children #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar graph below illustrates how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
who are
Verb problem
apply
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aged
inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
in between
 11 to 16 arrive at
school
 in Great Britain within 12 months using four different
transportation
 modes
such
 as by foot, by
bicycle
,
car
Change preposition
by car
show examples
 and the
bus
.
According to
 the bar graph,
children
 within a short distance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
school
used
Wrong verb form
use
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transportation
 modes like
by
Change preposition
apply
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walking,
bicycle
 and
car
while
 most of the students
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
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 far away from the
school
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used
Replace the word
use
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bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 and
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
transportation
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
.
Arround
Correct your spelling
Around
 90% of
school
children
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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live within 0-1
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
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that is
 really close to the
school
 used to walk from their houses,
while
 50% and less than 25% of the same
catergory
Correct your spelling
category
 used bicycles and cars respectively.
Children
 in the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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catergory rearly
Correct your spelling
category rarely
 used a
bus
 (approximately 5%).
Children
 who are living within 1-2
miles
 away from the
school
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 almost every
transportation
 mode
such
 as walking,
by
Change preposition
apply
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bicycle
,
car
 and
bus
 in
a considerable proportions
Correct the article-noun agreement
considerable proportions
a considerable proportion
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such
 as nearly 60%, 77%, 20% and 10% in the respective order.
While
children
 who live within 2-5
miles
 away from the schools used
a significant proportions
Correct the article-noun agreement
significant proportions
a significant proportion
show examples
 from each mode of
transportation
 as 25% by walking,
nealry
Correct your spelling
nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50%
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 a
bicycle
, approximately 30% used a
car
 and 50% used
bus
Correct article usage
a bus
show examples
.
This
 shows that the proportions of
children
 who used
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 and
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
seems
Change the verb form
seem
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 equal in
statisctics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 when considering
children
 who live within 2-5
miles
.
Moreover
,
children
 over 5
miles
 only used cars and buses to reach the
school
due to
 long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 to travel. the percentages are nearly 30% and 65% respectively.
Submitted by samadhi22ch on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, school, transportation, bicycle, car, bus, miles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Modes of transportation
  • Percentage
  • Comparative analysis
  • Seasonal variations
  • External factors
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Non-motorized modes
  • Safety
  • Convenience
  • Sustainable
  • Initiatives
  • Promoting
  • Improvements
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