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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

#employers #offer #employees #subsidizedmembership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benifit
CEOs often register their workers
on
Change preposition
in
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 gyms and
sport community
Fix the agreement mistake
sports communities
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refrain
Verb problem
preventing
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 them
to have
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from having
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sedentary
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a sedentary
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lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 effective in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. Some workforce argue that it is beneficial because it can lessen the financial burden and support their annual habit.
However
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others see the program
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 useless because of unstoppable workflow and
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
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 their well-being. A number of staff
sees
Correct subject-verb agreement
see
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 that these facilities can be utilised in their leisure
time
 to maintain their
health
 condition without using their own money.
This
 group perspective is
understanable
Correct your spelling
understandable
 because they are realise the importance of
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 and already conducting
health
Replace the word
healthy
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.
For instance
,
individual
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the individual
an individual
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 in lower
position
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positions
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 has already used to
nutritious
Add an article
a nutritious
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 diet and
stayed
Wrong verb form
stay
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 active in their leisure
time
 will see these offers
beneficial
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as beneficial
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 for them because their
spent
Replace the word
spending
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 rate is reduced
while
 maintaining the current way of life.
However
, the rest of them discern
this
 program
doens't
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 contribute to their well-being. The reason is
because
Replace the word
that
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 they always working regardless of
time
and
Correct word choice
which
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 ultimately
exacerbated
Wrong verb form
exacerbates
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 their physical and mental
health
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
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 no leisure
time
in
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on
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 the weekdays.
Hence
, when it comes to weekends, they are merely want to eat what preferable for them as
coping
Correct article usage
a coping
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 mechanism and live with sedentary
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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 because of tiredness.
For example
, someone who works at
consultant
Correct article usage
a consultant
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 company
ecounter
Correct your spelling
encounters
 endless
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 because of high demand from her company and clients lead her
eating
Change the verb form
to eat
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 what she
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
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 to cope with
such
 a burden and spend
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
a weekend
show examples
 on
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
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 by watching drama. In conclusion,
CEOs
Change noun form
CEOs'
CEO's
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 to offer
such
 benefits is being viewed
in
Change preposition
from
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 different perspectives
from
Change preposition
by
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 their workers. Some of them said it is helpful because it can support the current lifestyle but at the same
time
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 cost. On the other side, they argue that it doesn't play its role at all
due to
 the constant enormous
expectacy
Correct your spelling
expectancies
 they face
let
Verb problem
which leads
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 them to sedentary living and search
ways
Change preposition
for ways
show examples
 to cope mentally.
Submitted by supratsuprat67 on

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task achievement
While you have discussed both perspectives, aim to provide a clearer distinction between the advantages and disadvantages in each paragraph. Currently, the ideas are somewhat mixed.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between ideas. Use more linking words to guide the reader through your reasoning.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate key points, as this will further enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay effectively.
task achievement
The variety of vocabulary used throughout the essay captures different perspectives clearly.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints, demonstrating a balanced analysis which is essential for this task.

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