Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Although
some refer video
Change preposition
to video
games
as practical educational setting
, others, myself included, believe that these tools impact Fix the agreement mistake
settings
on
Change preposition
apply
people
adversely, playing
them, and Rephrase
when playing
its
demerits far outweigh Correct pronoun usage
their
its
merits.
Correct pronoun usage
their
To begin
with, the rate of violence is more likely to increase by playing some of these video
games
since their contents showcase the worst phonomena
and characters. Correct your spelling
phenomena
This
results in changing user's
Change noun form
user
behavior
, Change the spelling
behaviour
in
particular
Add the comma(s)
particular,
this
occurs in some children, Correct pronoun usage
who imagining
imagining
the features of those Wrong verb form
imagine
games
in the
real life. Correct article usage
apply
consequentely
, they may perpetrate a crime. Correct your spelling
consequently
In other words
, they might act improperly, which may make them regret, regarding
whatever they did before because of the effects of these Change preposition
apply
games
. To illustrate, According to
the latest news, a teenager committed a murder after playing a violent video
game. In fact, he has killed his classmate due to
being affected by those unsuitable contents.
When individuals spend their time playing games
, they waste their time, which means they can do crucial tasks such
as pursuing thier
personal growth in Correct your spelling
their
favor
of playing Change the spelling
favour
viedeo
Correct your spelling
video
games
overtime
. To put it another way, Correct your spelling
over time
this
activity can be time-consuming, hindering people
from prioritizing their tasks. Thus
, after long hours they realize that they run a sendantry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
life style
, and face a range of diseases, including obesity and depression. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
On the other hand
, some contend that these games
are educational ,as some of which
teach how to cook or dance, to name but a few. Correct pronoun usage
them
Nevertheless
, they are not as beneficial as those deeds that people
are more active in them, such
as doing physical activities.
To conclude
, despite some people
who believe playing video
games
is parctical
in individuals' lives, I personally claim that they might have Correct your spelling
practical
practically
negative
influence on players which may alter their manners to commit a crime or waste their time Add an article
a negative
instead
of concentrate
on major tasks in their lives.Wrong verb form
concentrating
Submitted by sahar.moti1994 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure there is clear paragraphing and logical flow between ideas. Use transitions effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on points made with more specific examples or evidence. This would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas more fully to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some vocabulary mistakes are present; consider revising for precision in language use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting up the argument and summarizing it effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay responds to the task by addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of video games.
Task Achievement
There is a good attempt to provide reasoning for why video games can be detrimental, supported by real-world examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?