IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although many people value public parks, this space could be better used for the other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and build economics. To what extend do you agree or dis agree with this statement.

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economics #dis
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In
this
Linking Words
moder
Correct your spelling
modern
 era, the growth of population is increasing rapidly. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that public
parks
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 can be used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
purposes
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
 residential areas or to develop
buisness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 and build economics. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement but up to some extent and will discuss
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
. On the one hand, public
parks
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 can be used for many
purposes
Use synonyms
. The first and foremost thing is
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shelter for homeless
people
Use synonyms
. To elaborate, with
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 population the lifestyle of poor
people
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 is getting worse. They
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have jobs
for
Change preposition
to
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fullfiling
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their daily needs. These
people
Use synonyms
 are living on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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 because they don't have money to make
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
. So,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small houses for those
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by EMO company shows that more
40
Change preposition
than 40
show examples
% of
people
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 die in winter
due to
Linking Words
 lack of shelter. The other reason is employment, industries or employment
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 can
be build
Change the verb form
be built
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
parks
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. In detail, every office
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 thousands of
people
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 who
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 to work but they don't have enough space.
For example
Linking Words
, companies want to hire more
people
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 for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 companies's growth, but
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 office is
every
Correct your spelling
very
show examples
 small. So, if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
on
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in
show examples
parks
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place
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more
people
Use synonyms
 will get work and
this
Linking Words
 can help them
to get
Verb problem
achieve
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 their future goals.
However
Linking Words
, public
parks
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 are very useful for old
people
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 and
childern
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children
.In cities,
people
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 are living in small areas where they don't have space for outdoor activities. Park is the only option for them but if
parks
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 will be replaced in future.
People
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 will find
Correct pronoun usage
it difficulties
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difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 to spend their time for outdoor
purposes
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, old
people
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 go for morning walks
for staying
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to stay
show examples
 healthy and fit,
as well as
Linking Words
 children
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 there to play games which is beneficial for their health. In conclusion,
parks
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 can be used for other
purposes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as building
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and residential
aread
Correct your spelling
areas
area
 for providing shelter to homeless
people
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Whereas
Linking Words
 public
parks
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 are
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 option for
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in small areas in cities.
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphing to help guide the reader through your arguments. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the issue and presents a balanced viewpoint, which is crucial for a task response.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, addressing both the need for residential and business development, and the importance of public parks.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and presents a clear, balanced stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • residential areas
  • economic development
  • growing population
  • balance
  • appropriate locations
  • community engagement
  • environmental sustainability
  • efficient urban planning
  • coexistence
What to do next:
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