In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave in the first months after babies are born. Do advantage outweigh disadvantage?
There seems to be a debatable issue of whether
mothers
are entitled to stay away from official duties during the initial months when new born
babies need Correct your spelling
newborn
maternity
care in more nations. Letting females experience maternity
leave provides them an
opportunity to get adapted to their new life no matter how Add the preposition
with an
others
strongly others oppose my notion. Now, I will make the issue clear in order to arrive at the Correct quantifier usage
apply
last
but not least conclusion.
First and foremost, different groups of society might insist that taking maternity
break
in the first months is less likely to optimally affect Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
to
their employers. Change preposition
apply
Nonetheless
, it is better to offer mothers
some time to cope with their new roles on
not only their private lives but Change preposition
in
also
members of society . Particularly, young mothers
find it challenging to recover their
abrupt changes Change preposition
from their
of
hormones Change preposition
in
of
Change preposition
apply
themselves
and take care Correct pronoun usage
apply
or
pamper infants at the same time. If I lay my cards on the table, they are constrained to change their minds on whether they pursue their personal careers or dedicate themselves Change preposition
of or
into
raising their Change preposition
to
new-born
babies. Correct your spelling
newborn
In other words
, they sacrifice themselves to either stay up all night to have a lullaby to make their baibies
sleep or breastfeed them no matter whether it is dawn or dusk and how Correct your spelling
babies
much
exhausted they feel. It is all I have explained Correct quantifier usage
apply
it
like a coin flips over two sides.
When it comes to voicing my opinion, every infant in the world badly needs their Correct pronoun usage
apply
mothers
to raise them healthy with breasfeeding
Correct your spelling
breastfeeding
instead
of genetically-modified milk. Moreover
, it is scientifically proven that those who are fed by
breast milk are grown up with a strong immune system compared to Change preposition
apply
non-breasfeeders
. In case Correct your spelling
non-breastfeeders
that
employers and Correct word choice
apply
authorites
provide a sufficient amount of break for Correct your spelling
authorities
mothers
to get
bond with their newborns, they will contribute to Verb problem
apply
have
Change the verb form
having
healthy
workforce Add an article
a healthy
who
constantly Correct pronoun usage
that
develop
their society. To cite Mongolia as an example, our government offers flexible Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
maternity
breaks but also
pays allowances for mothers
. As a result
, women are motivated to be their best for the sake of their infants. It is the most reasonable paradigm
Last
but not least conclusion, I would be in
confident that Change preposition
apply
maternity
break could turn a new leaf Correct article usage
the maternity
on
Change preposition
for
mother
and infants by offering flexible time Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
whereas
Correct word choice
where
mothers
are entitled to adapt their
new lifestyles even if some people never feel advocative with my Change preposition
to their
point-of-view
.Correct your spelling
point of view
Submitted by M
on
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language
Try to simplify some of the language used, ensuring that the ideas are communicated more clearly and effectively.
vocabulary
Be cautious with word choices to avoid confusion, such as using 'advocative' correctly.
clarity
Consider refining your arguments to ensure they are straightforward and easily understood by the reader.
balance in argumentation
Expand the discussion slightly more on the opposing viewpoint to show a balanced perspective.
organization
You have structured your essay well, with clear introduction and conclusion sections that provide a sense of completion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task quite thoroughly by discussing the advantages and some perceived disadvantages of maternity leave.
use of examples
You have used specific examples and factual information, such as the Mongolia example, to strengthen your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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