IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ome people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Had been argued, that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 may have a negative effect on
people
Use synonyms
especifically
Correct your spelling
specifically
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers and have the capability to lessen
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 school
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can be
benaficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for them in terms of learning
foreige
Correct your spelling
foreign
 languages. I
tatally
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree with the first statement as most
games
Use synonyms
 currently can enhance the
user
Change noun form
user's
show examples
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 and provide him with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general knowledge
every
Change preposition
of every
show examples
 life aspect.
Body paragraph 1
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
of
Correct article usage
the of
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 positive aspect,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have a negative side as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may cause
addiction
Use synonyms
 for the consumers. Young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
addiction
Use synonyms
unfortuntly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more
prevlent
Correct your spelling
prevalent
 currently. In my opinion, the most common cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.Back
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the beginning of
electronics
Correct article usage
the electronics
show examples
 spread
games
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not available and
people
Use synonyms
dependent
Add a missing verb
were dependent
show examples
 on face-to-face interactions for entertainment.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,the
addiction
Use synonyms
 for young
people
Use synonyms
 was not
knowen
Correct your spelling
known
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, after it
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
show examples
 most
citizents
Correct your spelling
citizens
 were surprised
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the amount of dopamine that did not need any personal
interfere
Replace the word
interference
show examples
.
joyfull
Correct your spelling
joyful
 feeling generated unlimitedly was
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
 matter that assessed
addiction
Use synonyms
 for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
critizim
Correct your spelling
criticism
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 it contains,
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time, it
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
has shown
show examples
 a
considerble
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of
people
Use synonyms
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 from it in terms of
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 manner. For
examble
Correct your spelling
example
, in the United
States
Add a comma
States,
show examples
 an app
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 became essential for
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 process nemed Kahoot. The scientists proved that using activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class
activate
Correct subject-verb agreement
activates
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
particular sections of the brain that improve memories and focus.
Conclusion
in conclusion,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
govirnments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
tries
Wrong verb form
are trying
show examples
 to come up with
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to alter their negative effects.
However
Linking Words
, if you can modify your time and use it wisely, you can have
fortuntly
Correct your spelling
fortunately
 benefits of it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your argument is consistently focused and directly addresses the prompt. For example, decide clearly whether you believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits or vice versa, and structure your essay to reinforce this.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with appropriate transitions. This will help ensure your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
To strengthen your examples and support your main points more effectively, try to include specific evidence or scenarios, ideally ones that are particularly compelling or revealing.
task achievement
The essay addresses different perspectives on the topic of video games, acknowledging both their potential benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, structuring the discussion of video games in a clear format.
coherence cohesion
The writer introduces an example to support the benefits of video games, referring to the app Kahoot and its potential role in education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: