some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Had been argued, that
video
games
may have a negative effect on people
specifically teenagers and have the capability to lessen their school performance.On the other hand
, video
games
can be beneficial for them in terms of learning foreign languages. I totally agree with the first statement as most games
currently can enhance the user's intelligence and provide him with general knowledge of every life aspect.
Besides
the of games
positive aspect
, they Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
also
have a negative side as they may cause addiction
for the
consumers. Young Correct article usage
apply
people
's addiction
unfortunately become more prevalent currently. In my opinion, the most common cause of this
phenomenon is video
games
.Back in the beginning of the electronics spread games
were not available and people
were dependent on face-to-face interactions for entertainment.Furthermore
,the addiction
for young people
was not known.However
, after it spread most citizens were surprised by the amount of dopamine that did not need any personal interference. joyful feeling generated unlimitedly was a major matter that assessed addiction
for young people
.
While
people
criticism
the negative aspects it contains, over time, it has shown a considerable amount of Replace the word
criticise
people
benefit from it in terms of education manner. For example
, in the United States, an app that became essential for the education process nemed
Kahoot. The scientists proved that using activities in class activates particular sections of the brain that improve memories and focus.
in conclusion, Correct your spelling
named
need
video
games
have become an essential part of our lives and governments are trying to come up with solutions to alter their negative effects.However
, if you can modify your time and use it wisely, you can have fortunately benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
of
it.
Some Change preposition
from
people
regard video
games
as useful
educational tool. Others, Add an article
a useful
however
, believe that video
games
are having an adverse effect on the people
who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video
games
outweigh the benefits?Submitted by ameralimise3 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider refining your paragraphs so that each one clearly addresses a single point or argument, ensuring that your ideas are developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument, ensuring more fluidity and cohesion between sections.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or evidence to substantiate your claims about the impact of video games on education and addiction.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, agreeing with the statement that video games have negative effects.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.