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Band 4

Some people believe it's the responsibility of the government to take care of its peoples health . Others believe individuals should take care of themselves. Give views of both and your opinion

#people #responsibility #government #care #peoples #health #individuals
People hold various views regarding
health
 maintenance. Some believe that the
Government
 should money on people's
health
 and others claim that
this
 should be everybody's responsibility to look after themself. In my opinion,
government
 should fund
health
 facilities
for instance
 hospitals, pharmacies but it is people's responsibility to maintain their
health
. To start with, on the one hand, some assert that the
government
 should fund the individual's
health
. The
Government
 should assign local communities to take care of the healthcare system and medical services should be free. Local communities should organize free camps for fitness like yoga classes or other exercises, to aware the public.
Moreover
, there should be free healthy food provided as these days healthy eating is very expensive.
On the other hand
, opponent claims that it is an individual's right and job to maintain their body fitness and illness-free. They should avoid harmful eating habits and focus on healthy diets. They should be responsible for purchasing medicine for themselves whenever needed.
To sum up
,
Health
 plays a vital role in life so
this
 should be a priority of the public and the country's well-wishers to focus on
this
.
Submitted by rk366704 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, include more relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument, such as mentioning specific government-funded health initiatives or personal health strategies.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on further developing a logical structure where each argument builds on the previous one, making clear connections between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis to improve the alignment between your arguments and the task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which smoothly frames your discussion.
task achievement
You have considered both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • government responsibility
  • access to healthcare
  • health equality
  • public health policies
  • individual responsibility
  • self-care
  • healthy habits
  • personal autonomy
  • accountability
  • burden on the healthcare system
  • balancing
  • intervention
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