The bar chart illustrates, the proportion of people watching movies in theatres for the year 2012. Moreover,the populace is eminent between male and female while categorizing them into five diffrent age groups. Overall, it is evident that the number of cinema-goers fluctuated across different age groups, however, senior citizens made up the majority of the audience. On the one hand, individuals belonging to the age group 14-17 years and

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The bar chart illustrates, the proportion of people watching movies in theatres for the year 2012.

Moreover

Linking Words

,the populace is eminent between male and female

while

Linking Words

categorizing them into five

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

age

Use synonyms

groups.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is evident that the number of cinema-goers fluctuated across different

age

Use synonyms

groups,

however

Linking Words

, senior citizens made up the majority of the audience. On the one hand, individuals belonging to the

age

Use synonyms

group 14-17

years

Use synonyms

and 35-49

years

Use synonyms

showcased

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

percentage on a bar chart.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the number of male citizenships between 18-24

years

Use synonyms

age

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was slightly

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

that

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

other counterparts. At the same time, the population between 25-34

years

Use synonyms

put on view

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

statistics with 23% men and 20% women.

In contrast

Linking Words

, 33% of women over the

age

Use synonyms

of 50 showed a greater interest in cinemas,

while

Linking Words

only 29% of men in the same

age

Use synonyms

group expressed interest in going to the theatre.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Wed Oct 16 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

151 words

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🔶Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

The image explains how Pu-erh ripe tea and raw tea are made

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even treatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?