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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates, the proportion of people watching movies in theatres for the year 2012. Moreover,the populace is eminent between male and female while categorizing them into five diffrent age groups. Overall, it is evident that the number of cinema-goers fluctuated across different age groups, however, senior citizens made up the majority of the audience. On the one hand, individuals belonging to the age group 14-17 years and

The bar chart illustrates, the proportion of people watching movies in theatres for the year 2012. Moreover,the populace is eminent between male and female while categorizing them into five diffrent age groups. Overall, it is evident that the number of cinema-goers fluctuated across different age groups, however, senior citizens made up the majority of the audience. On the one hand, individuals belonging to the age group 14-17 years and
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The bar chart illustrates, the proportion of people watching movies in theatres for the year 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the populace is eminent between male and female
while
Linking Words
 categorizing them into five
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the number of cinema-goers fluctuated across different
age
Use synonyms
 groups,
however
Linking Words
, senior citizens made up the majority of the audience. On the one hand, individuals belonging to the
age
Use synonyms
 group 14-17
years
Use synonyms
 and 35-49
years
Use synonyms
 showcased
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 percentage on a bar chart.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of male citizenships between 18-24
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 was slightly
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 other counterparts. At the same time, the population between 25-34
years
Use synonyms
 put on view
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 statistics with 23% men and 20% women.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 33% of women over the
age
Use synonyms
 of 50 showed a greater interest in cinemas,
while
Linking Words
 only 29% of men in the same
age
Use synonyms
 group expressed interest in going to the theatre.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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