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Band 7

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, while the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, while the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.
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The diagram depicts the average yearly
water
Use synonyms
 consumption per household in 6 different Australian cities (Sydney,
Perth
Use synonyms
, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Canberra) in the previous year,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart presents the allocation of
water
Use synonyms
 usage in Australia in 2014. To commence,
last
Linking Words
 year,
Perth
Use synonyms
 was the biggest
water
Use synonyms
 consumer, amounting to 300 kilolitres per property.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by Brisbane and Adelaide at approximately 50 kilolitres per property less compared to
Perth
Use synonyms
, indicating a noticeable gap.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Sydney's population drank 200 kilolitres per property, Melbourne and Canberra's population only consumed around half of
Perth
Use synonyms
's
water
Use synonyms
 consumption.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, regarding
water
Use synonyms
 usage, Agriculture predominated in Australian
water
Use synonyms
 distribution in 2014, accounting for more than half of the portion at 67%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 9% of
water
Use synonyms
 was distributed to the household industry, illustrating a remarkable disparity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption distribution for
water
Use synonyms
 supply, sewage, and drainage
as well as
Linking Words
 electricity and gas supply was significantly low, accounting for 7% for each.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 usage for manufacturing, mining, and other industries was considerably small at approximately 3%. To encapsulate,
Perth
Use synonyms
 residents consumed the highest volume of
water
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year among 5 other cities,
whereas
Linking Words
 agriculture dominated Australian
water
Use synonyms
 allocation in 2014.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 66%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, perth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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