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Band 1.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Numerous countries nowadays,
facing
Wrong verb form
face
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decline
Add an article
a decline
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 in suburb population
due to
 the immigrations of its
habitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
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 to the cities. I believe that there exist wide discrepancies in
this
 development. First of all, leaving rural areas
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 about derelict lands and buildings,
such
 as valuable and fertile lands suitable for agriculture. Lake of people who work on these lands leads to
shortage
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a shortage
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 in
crops
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crop
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 production.
Subsequently
,
agricultural
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the agricultural
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 industry
face
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faces
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a problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
problems
a problem
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 in order to
providing
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provide
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 people with crops.
Secondly
, emigration from
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 to metropolitan areas
lead
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leads
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 to
skyrocket
Correct article usage
a skyrocket
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 rise in population.
This
 overpopulation applies constrained access to facilities, which is disturbing
everyday
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the everyday
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 life of the folks.
Furthermore
,
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 population increases job demand and job seekers encounter major challenges . In conclusion, I once again
reaffirming
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reaffirm
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 my position that severe setbacks are received from relocating individuals who belong to rural areas to cities. Upset the delicate balance in both regions .
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, ensure that your arguments are clearly defined and supported with specific examples. This can help structure your essay more effectively, making your ideas clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving cohesion by using linking phrases to connect your ideas and arguments. Also, make sure your essay follows a logical progression from one point to the next.
task achievement
You have identified some valid points discussing the impact of urban migration on both rural and urban areas. This shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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