IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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 who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that having an enjoyable
job
Use synonyms
 is much
essential
Correct quantifier usage
more essential
show examples
 than earning a sum of
money
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
 people contradict
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea and think that having a better
salary
Use synonyms
 would lead to a
greater
Correct word choice
better
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the said two views and point of view about it. Having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 a much of
money
Use synonyms
 depends on the perceptions of a
person
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, one prefers to earn a sum of
money
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
than
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 to enjoy the
job
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 earning.
Linking Words
While there
Correct word choice
There
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 are
also
Linking Words
 some who would prefer to enjoy the
job
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 earning enough or more than enough
money
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of people who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that having a good
salary
Use synonyms
 would lead to a brighter
life
Use synonyms
 in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, giving all hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
while
Linking Words
 performing the
job
Use synonyms
 and obtaining a better
salary
Use synonyms
 at the same time would eventually lead a
person
Use synonyms
 to acquire his or her needs and wants. That being said,
money
Use synonyms
 is part of
life
Use synonyms
 and the basic source to buy one's basic needs and at some point,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wants. In my point of view, practicality comes
first,
Linking Words
since the demand and supplies
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
 and the cost of living today is not that easy to deal with. So, having a
work
Use synonyms
 with a better
salary
Use synonyms
 and benefits can motivate a
person
Use synonyms
 to do better and improve each day at
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 enjoying the
job
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
Thus
Linking Words
, when enough and more
money
Use synonyms
 to acquire, the more a
person
Use synonyms
 can satisfy the self
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in terms of basic needs and followed by wants.
In addition
Linking Words
, one can experience the
life
Use synonyms
 that he or she envisioned because of enjoying things
while
Linking Words
 earning
money
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the views
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
 to each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 when it comes to
salary
Use synonyms
 and having a fruitful
life
Use synonyms
. Some would ideally choose an enjoyable
work
Use synonyms
 yet fulfilling compensation that can sustain daily living
thus
Linking Words
 having a
life
Use synonyms
 that they envisioned
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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coherence
Try to focus on one idea per paragraph, supporting it with examples and explanations for better clarity.
task response
Make sure to provide clear examples to strengthen your arguments. Use specific situations or statistics when possible.
coherence
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay, to reinforce your stance clearly.
task response
You have successfully introduced both perspectives and provided your own opinion, which shows a well-rounded approach to the topic.
coherence
The introduction clearly outlines the main argument and sets the stage for the discussion.
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