Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that having an enjoyable
job
is much
essential
Correct quantifier usage
more essential
show examples
than earning a sum of
money
.
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
people contradict
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea and think that having a better
salary
would lead to a
greater
Correct word choice
better
show examples
life
. In
this
essay, I will discuss
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the said two views and point of view about it. Having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
a much of
money
depends on the perceptions of a
person
.
For example
, one prefers to earn a sum of
money
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
to enjoy the
job
while
earning.
While there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
are
also
some who would prefer to enjoy the
job
while
earning enough or more than enough
money
.
On the other hand
, there are
also
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of people who
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that having a good
salary
would lead to a brighter
life
in the future.
For example
, giving all hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
while
performing the
job
and obtaining a better
salary
at the same time would eventually lead a
person
to acquire his or her needs and wants. That being said,
money
is part of
life
and the basic source to buy one's basic needs and at some point,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wants. In my point of view, practicality comes
first,
since the demand and supplies
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
and the cost of living today is not that easy to deal with. So, having a
work
with a better
salary
and benefits can motivate a
person
to do better and improve each day at
work
while
enjoying the
job
at the same time.
Thus
, when enough and more
money
to acquire, the more a
person
can satisfy the self
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in terms of basic needs and followed by wants.
In addition
, one can experience the
life
that he or she envisioned because of enjoying things
while
earning
money
.
To sum up
, the views
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
to each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
when it comes to
salary
and having a fruitful
life
. Some would ideally choose an enjoyable
work
yet fulfilling compensation that can sustain daily living
thus
having a
life
that they envisioned
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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coherence
Try to focus on one idea per paragraph, supporting it with examples and explanations for better clarity.
task response
Make sure to provide clear examples to strengthen your arguments. Use specific situations or statistics when possible.
coherence
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay, to reinforce your stance clearly.
task response
You have successfully introduced both perspectives and provided your own opinion, which shows a well-rounded approach to the topic.
coherence
The introduction clearly outlines the main argument and sets the stage for the discussion.

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