IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present, architecture
has
Verb problem
is
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 a significant factor
to show
Change preposition
in showing
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 modern
buildings
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 believe that the ancient
buildings
Use synonyms
 in urban areas should be replaced with modern ones,
while
Linking Words
 others think differently; they believe that old
buildings
Use synonyms
 show the city's heritage, so they have to protect them. From my perspective, both ideas are right because every rose has its thorns, so there is no wrong idea.
This
Linking Words
 essay will attempt to shed the light on both perspectives. On the one hand, ancient
buildings
Use synonyms
 are a representation method for old culture and life.
In other words
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, many
people
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 believe that protecting old towers is one of the ways to protect the heritage sites, particularly if there are many tourists there.Take heritage houses as an example. There are many
people
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 who live there; having a license is a must for everyone who lives there, so adding or fixing any problem should be approved
from
Change preposition
by
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 the government.
On the other hand
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, ancient
buildings
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 were built with weak materials; many
people
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 say that with the advancement of technology, materials are developed into stronger ones, that's why towers and houses should be replaced with modern
buildings
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.
For example
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, many
buildings
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 are at risk of collapsing,
while
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 modern
buildings
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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 new strategies and methods to reduce
this
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 risk.
Additionally
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, it has a large
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 on the environment, and the new materials are eco-friendly, which helps to reduce the pollution in the environment. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the
combanaation
Correct your spelling
combination
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 beliefs is the best way
due to
Linking Words
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 that come from the ancient
buildings
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Develop the body paragraphs with more depth by providing clearer examples or explanations for each point made. This will enhance the completeness of your response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is developed and supported with appropriate detail, helping the essay flow logically and clearly.
Task Response
Work on providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will add richness and relevancy to your response and better demonstrate your understanding.
Task Response
You show an understanding of both viewpoints, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay introduces and concludes the topic clearly, maintaining focus.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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