IELTS Writing Correction Service / Writing Samples / Band 7 Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A considerable number of individuals believe that marketing
compel
us to purchase new Change the verb form
compels
products
that we truly do not require and other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
opines
that,Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
the
advertisements provide information about new goods that can be more useful for our daily Correct article usage
apply
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
According to
me, commercials are more useful for businesses and companies, in
Change preposition
from
a
Correct article usage
the
prospective
of selling but as Correct your spelling
perspective
a
Correct article usage
apply
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
it
make us Correct pronoun usage
they
to
buy unnecessary Change the verb form
apply
products
that we already have it.
The main benefits of the advertisement goes
to the Change the verb form
go
busniesses
and the owners of the companies. It Correct your spelling
businesses
business
encourage
people to buy Change the verb form
encourages
these
stuff that we already have but in smaller Correct determiner usage
the
version
. Fix the agreement mistake
versions
for example
, mobile phones. USA based
mobile phone Apple company launch Add a hyphen
USA-based
new
Correct article usage
a new
iphone
every year with Correct your spelling
iPhone
the
smaller changes. Folks eagerly waiting in lines to get Correct article usage
apply
new
Correct article usage
a new
iphone
. and these Correct your spelling
iPhone
iphones
are more expensive and worth Correct your spelling
phones
iPhones
of
1 Change preposition
apply
month
salary. Change noun form
month's
however
, social media is great
platform to advertise these Add an article
a great
products
like every hollywood
actor Change the capitalization
Hollywood
showcase
their new Wrong verb form
showcasing
iphones
. Correct your spelling
iPhones
phones
This
inspire
young ones to buy their new mobile just because they think if celebrities have it; Change the verb form
inspires
i
needed as well.
Correct your spelling
they
Commercial
for Ice cream and other Fix the agreement mistake
Commercials
products
like video games are harmful for
children but they launch these games in series. so' pupils think, they had an old series and they need a new one. Change the preposition
to
This
Increase
only our expenses and Correct subject-verb agreement
Increases
make
us lazy. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
for example
, companies introduce new cleaning goods on daily
basis and with new inventions. We Correct article usage
a daily
also
waiting for advance
technology that helps us in our daily life like Replace the word
advanced
self monitored
cleaning tools. It Add a hyphen
self-monitored
clean
everything on the floor without our help.
Change the verb form
cleans
This
make
us lazy and unhealthy like Change the verb form
makes
tabacoo
and smoking Correct your spelling
tobacco
products
.
In conclusion, although
marketing new products
every day with little innovations make
us Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
to
buy everything Change the verb form
apply
but
in reality it Remove the conjunction
apply
uplift
our expenses only. Some Change the verb form
uplifts
products
are not good for our health. It is audience's
responsibility towards their health and their money. Governments should Correct article usage
the audience's
banned
some Change the verb form
ban
advertisement
that are not good for our new generations.Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
Submitted by jasneets712 on
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writing
Improve sentence structure and reduce grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
writing
Support arguments with more specific examples and details.
coherence
Avoid repetitive ideas and focus on providing clear and well-structured content.
coherence
Develop paragraphs more fully to better explain your points.
task
Ensure that all points are relevant to the task and are well-explained.
task
The essay correctly identifies the two viewpoints on advertising and makes a clear stance.
coherence
The essay contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which encapsulate the main ideas.
task
The use of examples, like the Apple iPhone and video games, provides a relatable context for the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?