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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#two #show #world #energy #consumption #electricity #generation #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 illustrate information regarding total world
electricity
production
 and energy
using
Replace the word
use
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last
 year.
According to
 the energy consumption in the world, oil showed to be the highest with 34.3%.
In addition
, coal seemed to be the second in order with approximately 25%.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, Gas
consumed
Add a missing verb
was consumed
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 slightly under 21%
last
 year. Combustible Renewable and waste , nuclear, hydro and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 sources of consumption demonstrated the rest of
totoal
Correct your spelling
total
 energy with
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
19
Change preposition
of 19
show examples
% respectively. In regard to total
electricity
 generation in the world, Coal had the highest proportion with almost 40%
while
 oil had a weak contribution
in
Change preposition
to
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electricity
production
 with only 6.7%.
Additionally
, Gas and Hydro had a great
influince
Correct your spelling
influence
 with 19,6% and 16.1% . Nuclear had a total
production
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 15.7% in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
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 with other sources of generation with only 2.1%.
Overall
, Oil had a huge consumption effect
while
 it had a small amount of
electricity
production
.
On the other hand
, Coal
generate
Change the verb form
generates
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 around 40%
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
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while
 it
consumed
Wrong verb form
consumes
show examples
 around 25%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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