In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
An increasing number of
children
in some countries are obese because of consuming too much fast food
. Some people argue that the government should ban selling fast food
in schools
. I completely agree with this
viewpoint because it will reduce the intake of fast food
among children
in schools
, and children
will find out
alternative healthy Change preposition
apply
food
options.
The government should ban selling fast food
in schools
because it will help to minimize the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
consumption by children
in schools
. If schools
do not sell fast food
, children
will not have access of
those foods, and it will be beneficial for their health. Change preposition
to
Consequently
, obesity and other kinds of diseases will not affect children
anymore. For example
, in Canada, schools
have banned selling fast food
items, and it has reduced the chances of suffering from obesity up
to 65%.
Change preposition
by up
Moreover
, if the government stop selling fast food
items in schools
, children
will find out
alternative Change preposition
apply
food
options. They will try other healthy food
options, and it will be good for their health. To add to it, children
will be interested in having homemade meals
in their school lunch. Having homemade healthy meals
instead
of fast food
will help to reduce the risks of obesity and other serious diseases. Fo
Correct your spelling
For
rexample
, in Correct your spelling
example
Bagladesh
, all public Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
schools
encourage children
to have healthy homemade meals
in their lunch, and it has enhanced the immune systems of children
.
In conclusion, I agree with the viewpoint that schools
should ban selling fast food
. It will reduce the fast food
consumption by children
. If fast food
is banned, children
will consume alternative healthy homemade meals
in their lunch.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure the essay presents a balanced approach by introducing a concession or addressing potential counterarguments about banning fast food.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to catch small typos like 'Fo rexample' and 'is banned'.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for a compelling discussion by clearly stating your position.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as those from Canada and Bangladesh, which add credibility to your argument.
logical structure
The essay maintains logical cohesion with a clear progression of ideas from beginning to end.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite