IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #town #malls
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Introduction The major aim of
this
 report is to describe the park which is in close proximity to my house, mention the pastimes city dwellers can do there and give some recommendations on enhancing the
place
. The park has changed the lifestyle of the vast majority of people living in the neighbourhood and now I’d like to discuss why. First and foremost, I can’t help saying that the sight represents the brand new park with luxurious relaxation zones for both adults and their offspring. It is approximately 2 square kilometres and has
inordinate
Change the article
an inordinate
the inordinate
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 number of decorated trees, plants, playgrounds, you name it. More often than not the major activity dwellers do here is walking as
this
place
 is in close proximity to plenty of malls and residential areas. As for my recommendations, I guess it’s blindingly obvious that authorities have to hire a guard crew
for securing
Change preposition
to secure
show examples
 the
place
 from hooligans. There
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been lots of acts of vandalism recently, unfortunately.
To sum up
, I would say that the
place
 leads the way when it comes to areas for walking in the city.
However
, some measures for securing the sight must be taken in the near time.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
To align your essay with the task prompt, ensure your introduction directly mentions the debate between building more public parks and sports facilities versus shopping malls. This will clarify the direction of your argument.
task achievement
Elaborate on both sides of the argument: the benefits of public parks and sports facilities compared to shopping malls, and provide specific examples to support your stance. This will strengthen your argument and enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your argument by clearly separating your personal experience with parks from broader societal implications to improve logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is engaging as it begins with a personal connection to the topic, which could attract the reader's interest.
logical structure
The essay maintains a consistent thematic focus on the importance of parks and provides some clear recommendations, demonstrating cohesive structure.
supported main points
The concluding paragraph succinctly ties up your argument and emphasizes the importance of security measures, showing thoughtful consideration of public spaces.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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