Goverments investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Goverments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the most controversial topics today relates to whether
the
governments should not allocate their budgets to the arts but Correct article usage
apply
public
services. In Change preposition
to public
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I totally disagree with this
view.
The primary reason why I oppose the opinion that the
public money should not be used for Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
is that art
facilities
such
as theaters
and museums ameliorate Change the spelling
theatres
citizen's
well-being. Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
For instance
, individuals can maintain their mental health by enjoying music in concerts while
others can enrich their emotions by seeing exhibits in galleries. If these facilities
do not exist, the number of citizens who are depressed particularly
in freezing winter seasons will grow, resulting in an increase in the budgets for healthcare services.
Another justification for my view is that Add the comma(s)
, particularly
art
facilities
are pragmatic for children's education. Although
each school has the
Correct article usage
an
art
class and music class, they will be stimulated and touched excessively when listening to music at a theater
. Change the spelling
theatre
Additionally
, if they can take part in a concert there, they will be more motivated to practice it. They will also
expand their horizons when visiting a museum to see numerous objects with different values.
In conclusion, although
some individuals claim that taxpayer's
money should not be used for Change noun form
taxpayer
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
, I vehemently oppose this
view. I believe art
facilities
such
as theaters
and galleries play important roles in improving Change the spelling
theatres
citizen's
well-being and supporting children's education outside of schools. I will recommend that the governments should sustain these Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
facilities
as a part of public health and education.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure the transition between some sentences and paragraphs is smooth to ensure clarity and avoid abrupt changes in topics.
coherence cohesion
Be more explicit in the introduction about the essay's structure to guide the reader more clearly.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to make some points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the position of the writer, setting the stage for the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made, reaffirming the writer’s position.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph deals with a distinct point, maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive reasons for disagreeing with the given statement.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, such as the impact on mental health and education, to support the main arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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