IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? give reasons for your answer and relevant examples. for this question

#education #healthcare #charge #government #responsibility #people #services
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The provision of
education
 and
healthcare
 is crucial for the development and well-being of society. Several poor inhabitants cannot afford them,
such
 as
education
 and
healthcare
. From my perspective, I believe that the
government
 plays a vital role in
this
 situation to please everyone without any discrimination.
This
 essay will argue that the
government
 should fund
education
 and
healthcare
 and provide them for free, as
this
 promotes equality and leads to better societal outcomes. One of the primary reasons for the
government
's funding of
education
 and
healthcare
 is to ensure equality and access for all citizens, regardless of their financial status. Several populations are suffering to afford these public
services
, particularly old
people
 and non-regular income as well.
For example
, the
government
 may provide these
services
 at a reasonable price, which is popular among all.
As a result
, in
this
 case, individuals can supply medical care to treat their health
as well as
education
 for them or for children to build their future.
Additionally
, universal
services
 should be the inhabitants' responsibility for economic benefits, particularly the financial aspects.
In other words
, the
government
 has many responsibilities to provide,
such
 as promoting parks for children, renovating old buildings, and so on. Based on that, they have to pay for learning and Medicare to obtain other possibilities and facilities that can benefit all
people
. In conclusion,
education
 and
healthcare
 should be the responsibility of the
people
 to pay for these
services
 for many reasons,
such
 as equality among all
people
 to access all without any discrimination
as well as
 for economic benefits.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the main argument is consistently clear throughout the essay. The introduction suggests the government should fund these services for free, but this could be clearer in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, specify how free education and healthcare have positively impacted specific countries or communities.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical connections between your ideas. For example, make it clearer how governmental funding leads to better societal outcomes.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well, providing a good overview of the writer's stance.
task achievement
There is an attempt to address multiple perspectives, considering both equality and economic responsibilities.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each discussing separate aspects of the topic, which aids in coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equity
  • social justice
  • economic benefits
  • productive workforce
  • quality of life
  • social mobility
  • personal responsibility
  • overuse
  • inefficiencies
  • feasibility
  • implementation challenges
  • sustainable funding
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