The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.
There is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
debate about whether young
people
should be required to attend full-time
education
until they reach the age of 18.
While
some believe
this
policy is essential for preparing youth for the
future
, others argue that it might not suit everyone.
However
, I still believe that it is necessary to study during childhood and teenage,
although
that will be flexible if they're out of school. First of all, keeping young
people
in
education
until 18 provides them with the essential
skills
needed for modern life and work. In today’s world, those basic qualifications cannot fit the labour market's
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. By staying in school longer,
students
gain
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
deeper knowledge in the majors they choose and have the opportunity to develop specialized
skills
that improve their
future
career competitive power.
For instance
, many jobs today require advanced technical
skills
, including typing code and software development, or higher
education
degrees. The young who refuse to enter a university will hard to compete with those
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
a
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
degree in computer science.
Moreover
, full-time
education
during these years
also
contributes to a person’s social and personal development. The teenage years are the best period when
students
learn not only academic knowledge but
also
some soft
skills
,
such
as teamwork, communication, and problem-solving. Schools provide an environment that encourages young
people
to grow rationally, preparing them to face
future
responsibilities with confidence. Without
this
support, some teenagers may make rush decisions.
However
, sometimes parents will
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
that their teenagers are more willing to take practical and physically demanding jobs
such
as public service.
As a result
, too much attention on their grades can be useless. So it is easy to tell that educational systems should include different learning styles and career paths. Offering flexible choices
such
as part-time
education
or specific training could
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
for
students
who are not suited for academic environments.
This
way, they can still gain valuable
skills
without being stuck in a strict system. In conclusion, I believe that requiring young
people
to remain in full-time
education
until the age of 18 is indeed beneficial, as it provides them with the knowledge and
skills
which are needed for success in modern life.
However
, there should be flexibility in the system
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
who may benefit more from practical
skills
training or other learning ways. By balancing academic and practical
education
, societies can ensure all young
people
can have a successful
future
.
Submitted by pitaleung8 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however, such".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, education, future, skills, students with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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