The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
There is
an
debate about whether young Change the article
a
people
should be required to attend full-time education
until they reach the age of 18. While
some believe this
policy is essential for preparing youth for the future
, others argue that it might not suit everyone. However
, I still believe that it is necessary to study during childhood and teenage, although
that will be flexible if they're out of school.
First of all, keeping young people
in education
until 18 provides them with the essential skills
needed for modern life and work. In today’s world, those basic qualifications cannot fit the labour market's need
. By staying in school longer, Fix the agreement mistake
needs
students
gain more
deeper knowledge in the majors they choose and have the opportunity to develop specialized Change the word
apply
skills
that improve their future
career competitive power. For instance
, many jobs today require advanced technical skills
, including typing code and software development, or higher education
degrees. The young who refuse to enter a university will hard to compete with those have
a Correct pronoun usage
who have
master
degree in computer science.
Change noun form
master's
Moreover
, full-time education
during these years also
contributes to a person’s social and personal development. The teenage years are the best period when students
learn not only academic knowledge but also
some soft skills
, such
as teamwork, communication, and problem-solving. Schools provide an environment that encourages young people
to grow rationally, preparing them to face future
responsibilities with confidence. Without this
support, some teenagers may make rush decisions.
However
, sometimes parents will found
that their teenagers are more willing to take practical and physically demanding jobs Wrong verb form
find
such
as public service. As a result
, too much attention on their grades can be useless. So it is easy to tell that educational systems should include different learning styles and career paths. Offering flexible choices such
as part-time education
or specific training could better
for Add a missing verb
be better
students
who are not suited for academic environments. This
way, they can still gain valuable skills
without being stuck in a strict system.
In conclusion, I believe that requiring young people
to remain in full-time education
until the age of 18 is indeed beneficial, as it provides them with the knowledge and skills
which are needed for success in modern life. However
, there should be flexibility in the system to
Change preposition
for
students
who may benefit more from practical skills
training or other learning ways. By balancing academic and practical education
, societies can ensure all young people
can have a successful future
.Submitted by pitaleung8 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, education, future, skills, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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