The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last decade. What are the causes of this disturbing trend and how can the problem be reduced?
It is certainly true that the percentage of overweight
children
in western
Capitalize word
Western
society
has increased by almost 20% in the last
decade. This
fact represents a serious health problem for our new generations. I would say that processed food
and the lack of physical activity are two important causes. Reducing this
disturbing trend would require measures taken by authority
in the Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
food
industry and the involvement of the families on
in improving their Change preposition
apply
children
’s physical activities
.
There are several factors that have led to the growing proportion of obese children
. One major cause is the consumption of processed foods as a main meal, which have more calories and are poor in nutrients. Unfortunately, society
promotes fast-foods
and sugar, which are easily accessible Correct your spelling
fast foods
for
Change preposition
to
children
. There are many fast food
restaurants which promote special meals for children
or a healthy variety of junk food
, but this
doesn’t does not mean that they are not processed. Another important cause is sedentary behavior
. The use of technology leads to isolation rather than playing and doing other physical Change the spelling
behaviour
activities
. Many youngsters spend a lot of hours in front of TV
or computer and Correct article usage
the TV
this
leads to depression and eating disorders too. Others are involved in learning activities
after school so have no time
for playing or doing sport
. In modern Fix the agreement mistake
sports
society
adults have less Add a comma
society,
time
and energy to organize family activities
.
However
, several measures can be taken in order to reduce this
problem. First of all, the government should implement nutrition policies in school
and introduce healthy snacks. An important task is working more Fix the agreement mistake
schools
in
Change preposition
on
food
security and minimizing the level of sugar in foods. All these
by introducing new restrictions and taking measures. Including discussion about healthy eating in classes, helps them to improve their choices and their lifestyle. Another way to reduce obesity in Change preposition
of these
children
are
the actions taken by the family members. They have to replace screen Change the verb form
is
time
with family time
, organizing after-school activities
and moving more as a family. Doing something they enjoy will make them get involved and repeat it. Also
, many families choose to ask their children
to help them at home such
as gardening, walking the dog, washing the car or cleaning the house. In this
way
they keep them more active.
Add a comma
way,
To conclude
, the percentage of overweight children
in western
Capitalize word
Western
society
has increased by almost 20%, which leads to a disturbing trend. The main causes are processed food
and lack of activity, which require the intervention of the authorities and the implication of the family for resolving
Change preposition
to resolve
this
important problem.Submitted by inaveriga on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb forms and agreement, such as in 'which are easily accessible for children' and 'this doesn’t does not mean.' Consistency aids in clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Delve deeper into specific examples or strategies that families and authorities can employ to combat childhood obesity. This will enhance the level of detail and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument and findings.
task achievement
Addresses both causes and solutions, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between paragraphs addressing causes and paragraphs suggesting solutions demonstrates effective structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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