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Band 2

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills
I thought both statements
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be accepted in society. I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
learned Sociology in my undergraduate program and still remember that
education
 is one tool called
social
Add an article
a social
the social
show examples
 elevator.
Education
 is a process for someone to get a better life through a good job. In
education
, students will learn both practically and theoretically about something they are interested in. When students are highly skilled,
then
 they can get more opportunities to find a good job. But, I think most people forget about soft skills during the
education
 program they run.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 persistence, adaptation, flexibility, curiosity, collaboration, or anything else
that is
 not seen by students directly. In
sum
Add a comma
sum,
show examples
 I see the statement above divided into two things. People are aware of
education
 to get a job only and other people are aware
education
 is beyond it.
Submitted by fixmyenglishnowemail on

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task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, you could mention some specific job roles that might benefit more from practical experience and soft skills rather than formal education.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are fully developed. Expand on the idea of education as a 'social elevator' and how soft skills play a role in career advancement.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by connecting sentences and ideas more clearly. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced both perspectives clearly, showing an understanding of the discussion topic.
task achievement
Your writing shows a thoughtful awareness of the role of education beyond just getting a job.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
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